Contrasting Women and the Sefira of Gevura

The world was created and infused with different middot with which to guide and instruct human actions and choices. The time of Sefirat HaOmer is pregnant with the possibility of growth. Each week is titled with one of the 7 sefirot, levels of middot mastery, and each day has another midda attached to it. This ensures each day that we count is structured with the focus to work step by step on certain values during the time following Pesach until Shavuot. As Bnei Yisrael traveled in the desert and journeyed to change their mindset from slaves of Pharaoh to avdei Hashem, we are provided with the privilege to join them. The second week of sefira explores the midda of Gevura.

Gevura connects to the second day of creation when Hashem formed the separation between the upper and the lower waters. This original act of gevura introduced the midda to the world. Gevura is defined as restraint. The Mishnah¹ describes a gibor as one who chooses to set boundaries and demonstrates control over their yetzer harah, evil inclination. As it states, “Who is a gibor, one who conquers his inclinations.” Feminine energy according to the teachings of the Arizal is associated with the two letter “hey”s of Hashem’s name, havayah. These reflect the power of the number 2 – the combination and concretization of two things. Just as Hashem formed the waters he created a separation. This manifests the midda of gevura – a level of restraint when pulled in the direction of togetherness. The feminine power of combination needs the midda of gevura to temper it and establish appropriate boundaries in time and space. 

Gevura has an additional side that of din, judgment. Imposing judgment on those whose choices cross boundaries or go too far as expounded upon by Rabbi Yaacov Haber (Spiritual Refinement Through Counting the omer). Maintaining rules and policies for society at large protects the safety of all living within the borders of said society. Rashi in Bereishit teaches that Hashem wanted to create the world only with the midda of din, but if so the world would not be able to exist. Instead He relented and created the world with a balance of ra’hamim, compassion, and din. This balance is our life’s goal. It is the right use of strength that we aim to achieve. The way in which women, the akeret habayit as dictated in Eishet Chayil, set the expectations of the home must contain this midda of gevura. Leah and Rachel are the pinnacle of the balance between the feminine energy and the midda of gevura. The way in which they built their homes – inseparable in both family and destiny – required them to find this balance daily.

The midda of chesed is the ultimate counterpart to gevura. Chesed is described as the act of giving of oneself. The act of giving of oneself, chesed, counters the act of restraint, gevura. As women it would appear that we identify with chesed, as we are communicators, expressive, and filled with a need to give. gevura, though, is intended to set limits in a person’s life in order to enhance it. Chesed which is unbounded and unrestrained will inevitably end with one giving of themselves completely to someone else to the point of servitude, perversion, poverty, or lack of independence. Gevura enforces the rules that allow chesed to flourish while maintaining a person’s humanity and essence. In this way, gevura is tied to the number 2. Making the space for two things to exist through the setting of boundaries.

In a deeper sense, the midda of gevura is shaped by women. Chava was formed from an inner rib bone removed from Adam. The bone that was given was formed into “woman” – a new being with her own body and boundaries. The role of women, and especially that of a wife, is to be an eizer k’negdo, an opposing helpmate. She works to push herself and her husband to strike the perfect balance of push and pull, chesed and gevura. The feminine force in the world expresses itself with chesed and giving, however this can lead to vulnerability and reliance on others. The midda of gevura is the way in which women channel their sense of giving and craft it into a powerful force. A woman’s refinement of the midda of gevura highlights her abilities in the realm of chesed.

Tiferet she’b’gevura strives to reach the balance between gevura, restraint, and tiferet, harmony. Harmony is the sense of being perfectly centered. Just as the world was created with an apparent sense of contradiction – the middot of chesed and gevura or din and rachamim – when one approaches the topic with deeper consideration the harmony is clear. The same is true when we view ourselves as women. We were formed with different middot to varying degrees, but we have the choice to channel them and use them in a way that is worthy and beautiful.

Through working on creating the space to view and receive through a sense of boundaries we reach yesod she’b’gevura, the foundation within restraint. The space that we create and the home that we build is established on the foundations that the woman models. This takes place as we integrate these middot into our daily lives and they become an innate sense of ourselves. The beauty truly then comes from within and our strengths are then used for good and holy endeavors. The actions we take are mission oriented. They stem from love, and they hold us to a higher standard. 

Our inner sense of bina and daat, understanding and knowledge, from the first “hey” relating to femininity, expand from the emotional to the actionable. The structure they provide increases our ability as women to be able to pause, reflect, and realign ourselves when we find ourselves in a less than ideal situation, conversation, or encounter. Mastering this step means that we no longer fight with our inclination to make the right choice as this has strengthened our sense of differentiation between right and wrong.

The power of restraint leads to a sense of nobility. “Malchut is how a person becomes king over reality, by expressing her ideas and emotions and through them changing, rectifying, and elevating the world from its initial, purely physical state to a spiritualized state”. A woman’s strength of malchut, as taught by the Arizal, is represented in the second “hey” in Hashem’s name. This feminine energy has the ability to soar when restraint is employed. Picture the Queen of England. Filled with rules and regulations, her sense of restraint directly leads to her majesty. As we approach the end of the week of gevura we reach malchut she’b’gevura, royalty within restraint. Only at the end of this hard internal work do we merit the ability to feel like queens as our actions imitate that of Hashem Himself. His kingship and control humbles us as we study His world and restrain our choices just as He does. Becoming a queen is achieved solely through the ability to have conquered emotions and desires, thus, having achieved mastery over our midda of gevura – “Who is a gibor, one who conquers his inclinations.” 

1. Pirkei Avot 4 ↩︎