Toldot: Delving into Yitzchak’s and Rivka’s Marriage

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Through the pesukim of the parsha, an image of Yitzchak and Rivka’s marriage emerges. An image which differs greatly from the marriages of the other Avot. Their opposite natures and that of their children presents itself as two different stories for Yitzchak and Rivka. Here, we will explore their marriage and the traits it was founded on, understanding this crucial part of Torah which set the wheels of Jewish history in motion.

We begin with Rivka glimpsing at Yitzchak praying in a field and falling off her camel¹ from what may be awe, respect or shame – and covering her face. The Netziv² is clear that at this early juncture, Rivka is gripped by fear by Yitzchak’s G-dly presence; to her, he appears as an angel. She feels inadequate to be in his spiritually majestic presence, yet she knows she is destined for him. These thoughts compel her to cover her face. She is but a young girl and he is already a man, she is the daughter of Betuel and he was willing to sacrifice his own body to Hashem³. This absolute reverence for Yitzchak continues throughout their marriage.

When Rivka struggles with a painful pregnancy, it is not to Yitzchak she turns for guidance or reassurance, but rather to Hashem⁴. Even when she is told she is carrying the progenitors of two struggling nations in her womb, and it is their future macro-conflict which she is feeling inside of her, she does not appear to share this prophecy with Yitzchak. The Maharal explains that Rivka was embarrassed to share her physical pains with Yitzchak as she believed it was a result of her impure upbringing, a reminder of her inadequate feelings in her marriage⁵. Her tremendous awe for her husband prevented her from revealing what she felt were her own flaws.

It would appear that communicating all this to Yitzchak would have helped later on, avoiding the need for the scheme with the brachot. But, we see in the pasuk⁶ which announces her twins the word ‘v’hinei’ ‘and behold’ as if there was a great surprise to the double arrival of children⁷. Rivka was keenly aware she would be birthing two sons, as were the midwives according to Sforno, thus the exclamation is written from the perspective of Yitzchak who does not seem to have known. Rivka kept quiet.

In general, the pesukim indicate that Rivka and Yitzchak don’t seem to have communicated much at all. On their journey to Gerar, echoing Avraham and Sara’s descent to Egypt⁸, Yitzchak tries to protect his wife by saying she was his sister. As with much else in his life, he strives as much as possible to emulate his father, a theme we will return to. Unlike his father, however, he does not discuss protecting his wife with Rivka herself. Avraham tells Sara ‘Please say you are my sister’⁹ whereas Yitzchak just hides her, seemingly without communication. The Netziv is clear that Rivka and Yitzchak’s marriage is different in this way. Whereas Sara would openly confront Avraham, telling him openly to expel Yishmael and Avraham in turn would share with Sara when there was threat to her safety, Rivka and Yitzchak did not converse in this way. In a similar way, Rachel took her complaints straight to Yaakov, telling him to give her children because she felt dead without¹⁰. Rivka seems to lack this assertiveness.

One of the few times Rivka does speak up to Yitzchak, she does not provide him with the full context. After the episode of the swapped blessings (which she orchestrates without talking to Yitzchak), she tells Yitzchak that they should send Yaakov away to find a marriage partner¹¹. She tells him she would be ‘katzti’ ‘disgusted’ with her life if he marries a local, sinful girl. Rav Sorotzkin, in his Oznayim LaTorah notes that the ‘kuf’ of ‘katzti’ is small, symbolising Rivka’s withholding of information, all stemming from her perceived inadequacy¹². The truth behind the conversation was that following what he saw as his stolen brachot, Eisav threatened to kill Yaakov and therefore Rivka wanted to move Yaakov away to safety. But she does not even hint this to Yitzchak.

To understand all this, we need to understand the personalities of Yitzchak and Rivka, and how they viewed the destiny of Klal Yisrael which they were building through their children. Rivka was born into a family of idolaters, surrounded by impurity and deception. We see Lavan’s craftiness later on, illustrating the type of people Rivka was raised amongst. From this background, an innovative, smart and righteous woman emerged. Strong, confident Rivka who at a young age was able to commit to marrying Yitzchak, agreeing to leave her father’s home without ever meeting her prospective husband. She was capable and industrious, giving Eliezer and ten camels to drink, and doing so with energy and refinement. Intuitive Rivka who understood deeply the nature of her children and plotted with Yaakov how to obtain his rightful blessings for him, acting for the sake of truth with the cunning she knew from home. Rivka was ever-practical, giving, dynamic and brilliant. Yet, fascinatingly, she does not express this part of herself to her husband.

Yitzchak, contrasting Rivka’s outward enthusiasm and action, was more passive by nature. He was spiritually intense and contemplative with his life mission set as gevura, steadfastly clinging to his father’s legacy. Virtually nothing is written about him in the Torah; several events happen to him (including being bound at the site of the akeida) – but not from his perspective. One of the few events from his perspective is his naming the wells at Gerar, but even there the pasuk¹³ tells us he uses the names his father used. His shidduch was arranged for him (unlike Avraham and Yaakov) and ever since the akeida, he was known as the olah temima, the pure sacrifice who was too holy to leave the soil of Eretz Yisrael¹⁴. The akeida is perhaps the most powerful depiction of Yitzchak, complete deference to his father’s will. Both his father, Avraham, whose legacy he sought to emulate every step of his life and importantly, his Father in Heaven. While Rivka’s greatness was in her industrious way of achieving, Yitzchak’s greatness was in withholding.

Although Yitzchak was blind¹⁵, he was wise. He knew that Eisav was a man of the field, a man who wished to conquer materialism. It was precisely for this reason that he wanted to give Eisav the blessings of the ‘fat of the earth’ of gashmiut. Yitzchak perceived Eisav and Yaakov’s brotherhood as a forerunner of Yissachar and Zevulun¹⁶. One son would sit immersed in Torah and kedusha, completely separate from the physical world and the other would be blessed with material wealth to support the other. Like Yaakov, he wanted to bless each of his sons according to his individual kochot. In Yitzchak’s mind, Yaakov and his nature as ‘yosheiv ohalim’ forever dwelling in a tent of Torah and Eisav with his love of hunting was not a contradiction to his vision. Rather, he imagined his two sons sharing the mantle of leadership, one ruling the practical and the other, the spiritual. Yitzchak saw Yaakov as a miniature version of himself, sitting and immersing in learning, echoing the legacy of his father, events happening around him but not led by him. Not as a child who needed the brachot of materialism. But Rivka saw a different story.

‘The elder will serve the younger’ Rivka was told¹⁷. Rivka knew that her two sons would not join forces to rule the nation together but rather would split off into what continues to be one of the deepest enmities experienced by Klal Yisrael ‘esiav sonei et yaakov.’ Yet, she was nervous that if she shared her thoughts with Yitzchak, it would lead to some form of compromise and Yaakov would not get the gashmiut blessings he needed to father the nation, only the spiritual ones. Yes, she had to act deceitfully and covertly in order to obtain the correct brachot for the patriarch of the nation. Rivka could not convince Yitzchak, he had to experience it himself.

Incredibly, Rivka, who had grown up in a home of tricksters and had thrown it all away, had to gather those fraudulent fragments and use them to build the purest Klal Yisrael. And Yaakov, the ‘pure man, dweller of tents’, the man of truth and simplicity had to participate in this Divinely ordained ruse to get his brachot. Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zt’l explained that the greatest tests which our Avot and Imahot – and indeed, we – face, is to test if our traits are just tendencies, unconscious manifestations of our personality, or if we truly utilise them for the sake of Hashem. Rivka had to use the trickery she distanced from in order to become one of the Imahot and Yaakov had to break away from his honest nature to show his loyalty to Hashem and become one of the Avot.

Rivka is truly multifaceted; fearful and G-d fearing, yet also bold and confident, practical and industrious. Rivka’s marriage is not a typical one, but the perfect one for her and her husband’s traits which coalesced in a way which set the stage for Jewish history. Silence and action, truth and falsehood interact in one of the most impactful narratives of the Torah, the one that shaped our nation, its unique enemies and destiny as we know it today.

Bereishit 24:64 ↩︎
Ibid ↩︎
As shared in shiur by Rabbi Dr Yitzchak Breitowitz ↩︎
Bereishit 25:22 as quoted in article by Rav Zvi Ron https://en.harova.org/online_torah_books/rivkas-discomfort/ whose article has inspired many ideas here ↩︎
This feeling is not replicated by Yitzchak at all. In her, he sees a continuation of his lofty mother, Sara. His marriage to Rivka comforts him from his loss, emotionally and spiritually. ↩︎
Bereishit 25:24 ↩︎
Observed by Rav Zvi Ron, as above ↩︎
As Rashi points out, 26:2. Interestingly, the pasuk itself references the famine in the days of Avraham as well in 26:1 ↩︎
Bereishit 12:13 ↩︎
Bereishit 30:1 ↩︎
Bereishit 27:46 ↩︎
Explained by Rav Zvi Ron, as above ↩︎
Bereishit 26:17 ↩︎
As in Rashi 26:2 ↩︎
Bereishit 27:1. According to a Midrash, he was blinded by the angel’s tears following the akeida. Another opinion says it was Eisav’s wickedness. Some suggest that Yitzchak was taken in by Eisav in a sense ‘tzayid bafiv.’ ↩︎
Explained by Rav Leib Heiman in his Sefer ‘Chikrei Lev,’ brought down by Rav Yehonasan Gefen in his article https://aish.com/blessings-and-deceit/ ↩︎
Bereishit 25:23 ↩︎