Jewish people are known by their three trademark qualities1: rachmanim, bayshanim and gomlei chasadim. We are a compassionate people, a bashful people and a giving people. Feeling rachamim, mercy and pity for our fellow Jew at their time of struggle is intrinsic to who we are. As a midda, we call this being nosei be’ol im chaveiro which literally means carrying the load with one’s friend, lifting the burden together with him. Somehow, when we in our little corners scattered around the globe, place the suffering of the Jews in Eretz Yisrael at the front of our feeling hearts, it is one of the most beautiful manifestations of our love and care, offering the only gift we can provide in troubling times.
We may wonder what value it can have to sit passively and merely ruminate on the pain of others. But, these heartfelt thoughts certainly have powerful repercussions. Firstly, Mrs Leah Hershman3 explains, the act of feeling for another Jew’s pain has a spiritual effect on our neshamot. We elevate ourselves into feeling, caring, loving people. Additionally, there are challenges people face where we are powerless to help in any practical way. They might have the funds or the meals prepared, alternatively, if we live far from Eretz Yisrael, we may feel that without learning in yeshiva or joining the IDF, we are doing very little to help in wartime. The only act of compassion we can perform at such a time is to give the person the feeling they are cared for. We know you are rushing your children into safe rooms all the time, we know it’s exhausting, stressful and unpredictable. We know that you just want a good night’s sleep and even a tenuous ceasefire hasn’t yet given you rest. We recognise your challenge, we see you, we care for you. This is the priceless gift of our love and compassion.
Rav Chaim Shmulewitz wrote4 that people make the mistake of focusing solely on practical help at times of distress. He taught that we must realize that being nosei be’ol, contemplating our friend’s troubles, actually diminishes part of their pain. Such is the power we have as fellow Jews. We know that Rav Chaim was a living example of his own teaching because a blind man who attended his levaya shared that when he revealed to Rav Chaim that his blindness was chronic, Rav Chaim sat and cried for 20 minutes. The pasuk in Tehillim5 says “I am with him in his distress,’ referring to Hashem’s empathy for us at our time of sorrow. Hashem promises us that whenever we are hurting, He is hurting along with us. He feels our deepest pains and our greatest joys. Rav Chatzkel Levenstein6 explains that when we adopt this trait of nosei be’ol, of truly feeling for another, we are emulating Hashem. When Hashem created us, He gave us a tzelem elokim, a microcosm of His essence. Hashem feels every high and low of each Jew, and He gave us a miniature version of this koach, too. When we set aside time in the privacy of our room to sit and feel for klal yisrael, we are tapping into this utterly G-dly quality and transcending the limits of our human minds.
How do we reach this level? When we create relatability between us and the person who is in pain7. When we visualise and imagine for ourselves: what would it be like to be woken up by sirens? How would my children react? How would I manage? When we picture the situation as our challenge, however big or small, we ready our minds to bear their pain. This applies even to seemingly petty challenges like when a young child loses a toy we perceive as insignificant. As my seminary teacher taught8, that rubber duck is your child’s whole world. We can train our minds to translate other’s pain into a way that penetrates into our emotions. We may think our child is oversensitive, but how would we react if our favourite vase fell over? This can help us feel for situations that are harder for us to access our innate rachamim.
Our first introduction to Moshe as future leader is when he goes down to the Jews suffering in Egyptian exile, abandoning the princely life of privilege he could have led in Pharaoh’s palace. “Moshe grew up and went out to his brothers and looked at their burdens.” Rashi tells us he did not merely cast his eyes on their burden, he directed his eyes and heart to feel pain over the people. Jewish empathy is not merely a stab of pain or a flash of compassion when faced with an upsetting scene. Jewish empathy, in the words of the Alter of Kelm, is an intellectual exercise. It requires us to consciously focus our minds on the needs, lacks and pains of others.
Mrs Leah Hershman describes an unfortunate situation where something tragic happens c”v in klal yisrael and our first question is “which shul did it happen in?” as if, somehow, the more affiliated the shul is with me, the more I will allow myself to feel. This is totally contrary to the midda of nosei be’ol. In fact, the great mussar giant the Alter of Kelm would become upset over the death of a gentile because he was so sensitized to the pain of loss. Rav Matisyahu Salamon9 asks, if the whole world practices empathy and compassion, what is unique about the Jewish people? He answers with the words of the Tomer Devorah, ‘seor basar’ we are blood and flesh, close family. Yes, gentiles may be moved by the plight of a suffering widow or orphan, but the Jewish people are moved as if it is their own pain. This is because we are all truly one, limbs of one spiritual body. This is another way of helping us reach this level: looking to the macro-level. We are one unit, and therefore if my friend is struggling in shidduchim, it becomes my struggle too. If a stranger is sheltering from a missile in Tel Aviv, it is my worry too. It’s my family.
The paradigm example of this trait is none other than our leader, Moshe Rabbeinu. Our first introduction to Moshe as future leader is when he goes down to the Jews suffering in Egyptian exile, abandoning the princely life of privilege he could have led in Pharaoh’s palace. “Moshe grew up and went out to his brothers and looked at their burdens.”10 Rashi11 tells us he did not merely cast his eyes on their burden, he directed his eyes and heart to feel pain over the people. Jewish empathy is not merely a stab of pain or a flash of compassion when faced with an upsetting scene. Jewish empathy, in the words of the Alter of Kelm12, is an intellectual exercise. It requires us to consciously focus our minds on the needs, lacks and pains of others.
May we merit to feel for our brothers and sisters especially in these days, and may Hashem remove all pain and distress for all of klal yisrael, eternally, and bring the final geula!
- Gemara Yevamot 79a ↩︎
- In her seminary class, Avodat HaIsha ↩︎
- Quoted by Rav Feitman, from Rav Chaim’s sefer Moach vLev, https://yated.com/nosei-beaeol-im-chaveiro-an-elul-enterprise/ ↩︎
- 91:15 ↩︎
- https://outorah.org/p/71035/ ↩︎
- Mrs Leah Hershman, Ibid ↩︎
- Rebbetzin Kass ↩︎
- https://outorah.org/p/71035/
↩︎ - Shemot 2:11 ↩︎
- Ibid ↩︎
- Sefer Beis Kelm, quoted by Mrs Leah Hershman ↩︎
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