Vayeira: Sarah, the Hostess Par Excellence

The life of Sarah Imeinu was impressive, incredible and inspiring. She was a spiritual-focused woman in a world which denied Hashem, mentor to the many souls who came physically and spiritually hungry to her tent and miraculously became a mother at age 100. Yet, we do not hear much detail about any of these facets of her life. Rather, the Torah delves into intricate detail about a seemingly mundane episode of Sarah baking for guests, even specifying how each dish should be made. It is from these pesukim that we glean the great power of hachnasat orchim, hosting guests. Sarah held many titles but perhaps the greatest one we can learn from is her status as hostess par excellence. Not for her fancy dishes, but for the way she honored the souls of her guests while nourishing their bodies. 

For many of us, this episode of Torah is one which plays out almost weekly in our own homes and one we may not view as unique. Unexpected guests, whipping something together for them, making them feel comfortable. Yet, both in the length of the pesukim and the commentaries which abound on them, we see that the Torah ascribes great significance to a seemingly mundane event of serving guests. The Gemara¹ lists what seems to be staggering rewards for each stage of the hosting. For serving the meat to his guests, Avraham ensured that the Jewish people received the slav bird². For serving butter and milk to his guests, we earnt the reward of the manna. For accompanying the guests out of his home, we merited the pillars of cloud and fire to guide us through the desert. Whatever Avraham, with Sarah by his side, did for his guests, Hashem performed on a macro level for the Jewish people. If we ever hesitated on the power of the endless physical giving us Jewish women do on a weekly, if not daily, basis, this Gemara illustrates it so clearly. We can almost hear the Divine whisper hidden in each act, if we are attuned to it. ‘Do this for My children and I will perform it tenfold for yours.’

As women, we may sometimes feel that our spirituality comes second, since our tefillot are shorter if existent at all, our time in shul wanes as we build our families and our ability to attend shiurim reduces over the years. But in truth, when we stand in our kitchens, smile at our family or make their favourite dishes, we are emulating the holiest path of all: that of Avraham and Sarah. Nothing is more spiritual than being like Hashem, not even davening and learning.

We see this concept in reverse as well. The one act Avraham did not do himself was bring the water. The pasuk says ‘let some water be brought.’ The Gemara³ tells us that since Avraham did not directly bring the water himself, Hashem did not directly give us water in the midbar, referencing the event of the hitting of the rock. Hashem commanded Moshe to hit the rock instead of allowing the water to flow itself, a part of Klal Yisrael’s journey through the desert which ultimately took them further from Eretz Yisrael in what could have been Moshiach. This stop on the way became known as Masah Umereiva ‘strife and contention’ because of the negative attitude of klal yisrael’s complaints there. Avraham’s indirect serving is linked to one of the least favourable parts of our sojourn in the wilderness, one that took us on both a physical and spiritual detour from where we wanted to be⁴. We see that passing up on the opportunity to directly serve a guest means passing up the opportunity for Hashem to directly serve us. 

The Alshich provides us with guidance on how to perform the mitzva of hachnasat orchim in the best way, gleaned from these same pesukim. Firstly, to host our guests with zerizut (alacrity): we see in the pesukim Avraham rushing and telling his wife ‘mahari’ ‘hurry!’ We shouldn’t keep people waiting but rather run to offer them a drink, snack or whatever they need. This applies not only to guests but to our own families who we are privileged to serve day in, day out. When our husband arrives home from work or our children come home from school, we should tend to their physical needs with speed, rushing to hand them the cup of tea or snack. The second pointer the Alshich lists is to provide personal service, as explained above. We have a perplexing pasuk where Avraham instructs Sarah ‘knead and make cakes,’ for the guests. The Alshich comments that it would have been obvious to Sarah that she would have to knead the dough before baking cakes for guests. The Alshich questions what Avraham was trying to achieve with these words if not dictating recipe instructions. He answers that Avraham was addressing her directly – ensure that you knead the cakes yourself. Home-baked goods, straight from the hands and heart of Sarah Imeinu were infinitely more precious than handed over to one of the maidservants. Similarly for us, although the Torah does not discourage a woman from receiving practical help, when a woman can serve her family and her guests herself, she is emulating the ways of Sarah Imeinu and performing the mitzva in its finest form. 

Avraham and Sarah were truly the models of hachnasat orchim; of inviting, hosting, treating guests and even seeking them out in physical weakness⁵. However, we may be surprised to see in the pesukim that Avraham was mid-conversation with Hashem Himself when his guests passed by, and he interrupted his communication with Hashem in order to serve them. Surely, nothing can be more Divine than speaking to the Divine One Himself. But Avraham’s actions teach us otherwise and this is echoed in the Gemara⁶ ‘Greater is greeting guests than greeting the Shechina.’ In other words, it is more holy to act like Hashem than to stand and talk to Him. We can watch ourselves and ensure that we are not in the middle of mincha or a Tehillim recital when our husband or children walk through the door. Yes, those holy words are precious and sweet, but more precious and sweeter is living those holy words by interacting with the neshamot in front of us. 

As women, we may sometimes feel that our spirituality comes second, since our tefillot are shorter if existent at all, our time in shul wanes as we build our families and our ability to attend shiurim reduces over the years. But in truth, when we stand in our kitchens, smile at our family or make their favourite dishes, we are emulating the holiest path of all: that of Avraham and Sarah. Nothing is more spiritual than being like Hashem, not even davening and learning. Far from the misconception that women are more physical and therefore less spiritual than men, we have the most priceless spiritual gem in our arsenal: emulating Hashem. 

Inspired by Rebbetzin Leah Hershman 

1. Bava Metzia 86b ↩︎
2. The bird Hashem sent the Jewish people for a month in the desert after they complained for meat, as in Parshat Behaalotcha ↩︎
3. Ibid ↩︎
4. Based on shiur by Rabbi Avi Wiesenfeld, Torah Anytime ↩︎
5. It was extremely hot and Avraham was recovering from his Brit Milah ↩︎
6. Shabbat 127 ↩︎