Vaera: What The Plague of Hail Teaches Us About Relationships

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Parshat Vaera is the second parsha in sefer Shemot, and it is in this parsha that the shift from enslavement to redemption begins in earnest. One important part of this transition is the makkot, the ten plagues that Hashem brought upon Egypt. The makkot, as explained by several commentaries, were not just punishments given to Egypt in retribution for their treatment of Bnei Yisrael, but direct miracles meant to teach lessons to Egyptians and Hebrews alike.

The seventh of these makkot was Makkat Barad, the plague of hail. These, of course, were not ordinary hailstones. This was a terrible, heavy hail, the likes of which, says the pasuk, Egypt had never seen since the founding of their nation¹. Most interesting, however, is the fact that the hailstones had “flashing fire” contained within them. The Chizkuni² describes how this fire burst from the hailstones as they hit the ground, and sparked conflagrations that caused even further destruction to Egypt.

Generally, fire and water do not cooperate with one another, but here, they combine to create what Ibn Ezra³ describes as “a miracle within a miracle”. Rashi⁴ quotes Shemot Rabba, which personifies the elements, stating that although fire and ice are quintessential enemies, they put aside their differences and made peace in order to perform the will of Hashem. The Ohr Hachaim⁵ echoes this, and says that fire (and ice by extension) and water are natural opposites, and usually, one will prevail over the other. Fire will either evaporate the water, or the water will extinguish the fire. However, because they were fulfilling a divine mission, they were able to overcome these natures and coexist.

The potential for adversity between husband and wife is not surprising. The challenge of merging two unique personalities into one unit would be difficult enough even without the natural contrasting tendencies of men and women. However, with proper intention, these differences can be complimentary rather than conflicting. The Gemara in Yevamot explains the concept of Ezer Kenegdo in the following manner: If the husband is worthy, and acting in a proper manner, his wife will aid him in these endeavors. If the husband is doing that which is improper, his wife’s role becomes that of opposition – to oppose the husband’s negative behavior and steer him back to the correct path. In this way, the opposing natures of the husband and wife become a positive, productive thing.

This paradigm is not only a description of a miraculous event, but a profound lesson in both Avodat Hashem and interpersonal relationships. In order to understand this lesson, one needs to understand precisely what was miraculous about the Barad. The biggest miracle was that fire and ice were, so to speak, out of their element. They went against their natural tendencies or properties and not only existed side by side, but worked together to achieve a goal. The essence of the miracle was not that the fire was contained inside the hail, but that it differed from its natural properties in order to do so.

Therein lies the lesson: in order to coexist, the elements had to overcome their typical inclinations. Such is the case in human relationships – oftentimes, harmony requires one or more parties to stretch beyond their natural disposition. Getting along with others, whether it be a friend, spouse, or coworker, takes flexibility and an ability to be other-focused. The Barad can teach us to look beyond our own desires, and adapt in order to create peace with others.

This ability is especially paramount for shalom bayit. An essential quality in any relationship, the strength to go beyond comfort zones is the key to a harmonious marriage. This idea is reflected in the Torah’s account of the first couple – Adam and Chava. Sefer Bereshit⁶ titles Chava as Adam’s “Ezer Kenegdo,” which translates as “a helpmate against,” or “opposite him.” Rashi⁷ explains that this title represents two roles which a wife can serve: if the husband is worthy, she will be a helpmate, if he is unworthy, she will oppose him.

The potential for adversity between husband and wife is not surprising. The challenge of merging two unique personalities into one unit would be difficult enough even without the natural contrasting tendencies of men and women. However, with proper intention, these differences can be complimentary rather than conflicting. The Gemara in Yevamot⁸ explains the concept of Ezer Kenegdo in the following manner: If the husband is worthy, and acting in a proper manner, his wife will aid him in these endeavors. If the husband is doing that which is improper, his wife’s role becomes that of opposition – to oppose the husband’s negative behavior and steer him back to the correct path. In this way, the opposing natures of the husband and wife become a positive, productive thing.

What is the secret to this arrangement? How can the perfect balance of opposites be achieved? The answer can be found (literally) in the Barad. In both Rashi and the Ohr Hachaim’s commentary⁹, the harmony between the elements of fire and water is attributed to the mission that they were concurrently working towards. They are described as making peace for the sake of fulfilling the Divine will. It was only because the fire and water were doing the will of G-d that they were able to overcome their natural tendencies and coexist. The Barad teach us that the secret to harmony between opposing forces is Avodat Hashem. When two parties attempt to work together, as long as they are working towards a goal for the sake of Hashem and His will, they will be able to overcome differences and prevail.

A similar idea is expressed through the Hebrew words for “man” and “woman.” The gemara in Sotah¹⁰ writes: “If a man and woman are meritorious, the Shechina rests between them, but if they are not meritorious, fire will consume them.” The Hebrew word “ish,” meaning “man,” is spelled aleph-yud-shin, and “isha,” meaning “woman” is spelled aleph-shin-hey. Both words contain the word “aish,” meaning “fire” and spelled aleph-shin, but with the addition of the letter yud or hey, which spell the name of Hashem. As long as a focus on Hashem and His will is kept between the husband and wife, the relationship will be a harmonious one. If, however, Hashem is not a part of the relationship, it will be one of aish, destructive fire.

The miracle of Makkat Barad holds important secrets to creating a peaceful relationship, whether that be between spouses or any other pair. Successful partnership requires a level of flexibility and an ability to overcome one’s natural inclinations to put others first. This can only be achieved if the relationship is centered on Avodat Hashem. If so, the harmony that results is nothing short of miraculous.