Gratitude and Its Levels

The Hebrew term for ‘Jews’ is ‘Yehudim’ whose root is ‘todah’ meaning ‘thank you’; gratitude is a part of our essence, and is what defines us as a nation. Every morning, the first words on our lips are ‘Modeh Ani’, a ‘thank you’ to G-d for returning our souls to our bodies once we have awoken. In this article, we will explore three levels of gratitude, as well as how to properly express that unique trait.

Gratitude Towards G-d

A fourth son is born to Leah. “She conceived again and bore a son, and declared, “This time I will praise G-d.” Therefore, she named him Judah. Then she stopped bearing.” (Bereishit 29.35) The root of the name Yehudah is ‘todah’ meaning ‘thank you’. The Gemara (Brachot 7b) writes that Leah was the first person to ever thank Hashem. Could it be that our holy forefathers and foremothers had never thanked Hashem before Leah? Of course, they did thank Hashem; however, Leah’s gratitude had a special quality which the others lacked. Rashi explains that Leah had assumed that the twelve tribes would be shared equally between four mothers; thereby each woman would have three sons. Since the birth of this fourth child exceeded her expectations, she gave thanks to Hashem. Therefore, her gratitude had a special quality about it which was that she viewed this son as a gift. By viewing all we have as a gift, our gratitude will be on a much higher level, just like Leah’s. 

Happiness stems from an attitude of gratitude¹. From taking a look at the order of events concerning the first fruits being offered up, we can see how the two are interlinked. At first, the Torah states the Mitzvah (command) to give of the first fruits, which are a sign of the farmer’s gratitude for all of his produce. Only once this has occurred do we find the verse: “And you shall enjoy, together with the Levite and the stranger in your midst, all the bounty that the L-rd your G-d has bestowed upon you and your household” (Devarim 26:11). Just as the action to express appreciation is mentioned first and only then is the enjoyment mentioned, so too does happiness only come about following an expression of our gratitude to our Creator. 

Gratitude Towards People

In the book of Shemot, we are given the Mitzvah to not take bribes. The Gemara (Ketubot 105b) gives various examples of what constitutes a bribe.  One such related story is that of a righteous individual who had a feather float on his head, and was not allowed to judge the case of the man who removed it. How can it be that a righteous individual would be swayed by such a simple act, to the extent that he is not allowed to judge the case? Can it be that a truly righteous man is so impressionable? The answer is that this righteous man is deeply affected not because he is impressionable, rather because he feels a debt of gratitude even to a person who only has removed a feather from his hat. If only we felt that grateful to the people who do favours for us!

A way to tap into this level of gratitude is by looking at the Hebrew word for ‘gratitude’. The Hebrew word for ‘gratitude’, ‘hakarat hatov’, literally means ‘recognising the good’. If only we open our eyes to the myriad blessings surrounding us, we would surely be that much for grateful towards both G-d and the people around us. Rav Pelcovitz² writes that “the feelings of entitlement that often accompany the many luxuries of day-to-day life in an affluent society serve to block our awareness of how grateful we should be for the many gifts we regularly experience”. By tearing away our feelings of entitlement, we can access that blessing called gratitude. 

A way to tap into this level of gratitude is by looking at the Hebrew word for ‘gratitude’. The Hebrew word for ‘gratitude’, ‘hakarat hatov’, literally means ‘recognising the good’.

Moshe, before embarking on his journey from Midian to Egypt, asked Yitro’s permission to leave, as a sign of his gratitude for having hosted him and treated him with kindness³. Moreover, despite the fact that the Egyptians enslaved the Jewish People for 210 years, we have a Mitzvah to not hate an Egyptian “for you were a stranger in his land”⁴. Even though we endured terrible hardships under Egyptian rule, we still owe a debt of gratitude to the Egyptians for hosting us in their land. 

Gratitude Towards Inanimate Objects

There is yet another layer to gratitude: gratitude towards inanimate objects. The first three (of ten) plagues that came upon the land of Egypt in the period of the Exodus were not brought about by Moshe, but were instead brought about by his older brother, Aharon. Rashi (on Shemot 7.19 and 8.12) explains that the reason for this was because the river had protected Moshe, and because the earth had been used by him to bury the smitten Egyptian. Therefore, neither the river nor the dust of the earth deserved to be smitten by him. Similarly, a Gemara in Bava Kama (92b) states “If there is a well that you drank from, do not throw a stone into it”. In line with this, whenever the Kotzker Rebbe replaced a pair of shoes, he would wrap the old ones in a newspaper as he felt that he could not simply throw away a pair of shoes that had served him so well over the past few years. 

How to Express our Gratitude

We have already discussed some ideas already, but what further insights do we have as to what is the best way for a person to show their gratitude? We find two ideas in the ‘Shemoneh Esrei’, the standing prayer, in the prayer of ‘Modim’ meaning ‘thanks’. Firstly, when expressing our appreciation, we should detail what the person/G-d has done for us. In the ‘Modim’ prayer, we list multiple things which we are grateful for. For example, we say “Thank you…that you are the Rock of our lives, shield of our salvation…we thank you for our lives which are bound up in your hands and our souls which are held by You…”. Rather than just saying a general “thank you” when thanking someone, we should instead delineate each and every aspect which we are grateful for. Secondly, we should thank the person personally, and not via a messenger. We learn this from the fact that only part of the standing prayer that the congregation says, when it is being repeated by the prayer leader, is ‘Modim’; again, thanking Hashem. This shows us that the ideal way to give gratitude is personally and not through an emissary. 

Through Suffering or Through Gratitude: The Choice Is Ours!

Rav Avigdor Miller explains that there are two ways to come close to Hashem, as is reflected in two chapters of Psalms. One is Psalm 100: ‘a song of thanks’, and the other is Psalm 20: ‘a song… on the day of suffering’ (since significantly both of these have almost interchangeable letters: 100 is ‘kuf’ and 20 is ‘kaf’). Rav Miller explains that if we do not come close to Hashem through realising the myriad of blessings that we have, and being grateful for them, then we will be drawn close to Him through more difficult experiences. It’s in our hands to decide the medium through which we come close to Hashem; let’s do so through gratitude!

¹ Rav Noach Weinberg in ‘What The Angel Taught You’.

² In his book called ‘Life In The Balance’.

³ Midrash Tanuchuma on Shemos 16:5 and Seforno

⁴ Devarim 23.8