10 Tips to Make the Most of Your Dating Experience

1. Best First Date Prep

Have you ever heard this one before – Be yourself! Just relax. Be natural… Truthfully, it’s almost impossible for people to be totally natural on a first date, and that’s actually very natural. I’ll tell you what I tell my “daters” before a first date – go in excited to meet this person! Find out really nice things about them, from people who know them. What are some of their awesome accomplishments? What makes them unique? What is one of the nicest things they have done? This kind of info creates interest, it gives you a reason to invest. The person sitting in front of you has 20…25…30… years of life behind them, and in just a few short hours you are trying to get to know who they are. Remember that whatever you see, you are only just scratching the surface of the incredible depth there is to be found. Get really pumped for this first experience with the person who may be your soulmate. And even if they’re not, it will hopefully make for a more enjoyable and interesting first date.

Contrary to popular belief, we do not “fall” in love, we jump. Dating is an active process, not a passive one. What does this mean? Dating is not something that happens to you; it requires effort and investment

2. Best First Date Response

When you get back from a first date, if you had an overall nice time — fight the urge to analyze!

Yes! I’m telling you not to think too hard. Not yet. Put aside any concerns or things that didn’t go right. You can even jot it down so you can revisit it later. There will be plenty of time for that.

The main goal of a first date is to make sure that the person you heard such nice things about (see tip #1) is the person actually sitting in front of you (and if it’s not, well that will make for a very funny story…)

3. Awkward Moments

What to do with those awkward silences… or any uncomfortable moments for that matter?

Why not just call it out, like: “This is so awkward now, I can’t think of anything to say [giggle].” Or just ask him if he’s ever been to London, it works every time (unless of course you’re dating in London, and then I have no good advice for you).

But in all seriousness, you can really fill a pause any which way you want that fits your personality type.

Some people actually like those silences, and if you stay quiet – see what he fills it with!

4. Be Open

That last point is a great lead-in to our next one – be as honest and open as you can be. As long as what you are thinking is not 1. Inappropriate or 2. Offensive, if it’s on your mind – say it! This may be your future partner for all you know. No reason to stand on ceremonies. And, if I am being honest, you don’t have so much to lose. If you’re not on the same page, then he may not be for you, and now you’ve just gotten that clarity.

5. Be Active!

Contrary to popular belief, we do not “fall” in love, we jump. Dating is an active process, not a passive one. What does this mean? Dating is not something that happens to you; it requires effort and investment (All of those love at first sight stories people tell you, they’re not true, I’m telling you – they didn’t get married after one date, did they?)

You need to work at building a relationship. This entails giving of yourself, trying to get to know what makes the other person tick, figuring out what will give the relationship depth and progression.

It’s not always easy (but it can be enjoyable) and remember – just because you need to work at it, doesn’t mean it’s not a match!

6. Moving Forward

You’re up to a third…fourth…fifth date and wondering about how to deepen the relationship.

Try this: pick an issue/dilemma in your life, preferably something that is not too complex or emotionally triggered for you, and ask his advice. It can even be a problem you’ve already solved yourself. Ask him: How would you handle it? This can:

1. Help him feel respected that you are asking his advice

2. Help you learn his mode of thinking and see if you agree

3. Train you to look toward him as a person with a respectable opinion

7. Wasting Time?

People sometimes worry that if they are going out again to get clarity, because they are thinking of saying no, that another date may be “wasting someone’s time.” The only real example I ever heard of a girl wasting a guy’s time was when she was continuing to go out because she liked the fancy restaurants he was taking her to. 

Let’s get this straight — you are not wasting his time by giving the dating a fair shot and making sure that you really got to know him before giving a “no.” Go out, go in with a positive and optimistic energy, and have a good time!

8. Every person you meet brings you one step closer

I’ve heard this idea, that every person has to meet a certain number of people before Hashem sends them their soulmate. While I have never seen a source to say that this is true on a spiritual level, I have seen how true it is on a practical one!

Every person you meet teaches you more about yourself and what you are (or are not) looking for. This gives you more clarity moving forward. Dating itself is a process of growth that is preparing you for the person you will, with Hashem’s help, ultimately marry.

9. Before every date Daven for

1. Clarity – that Hashem should show you exactly what you need to see in order to make a clear decision. If you see lots of good, trust the process and trust that Hashem is

guiding you. And the opposite, if it sounded great “on paper” but you’re feeling nothing after a while and everything he does irritates you – take the hint.

And…

2. That whatever happens it should be mutual. It may not be for you or for him, and hopefully you’ll agree on that and move on with a clear conscience.

10. One last thing…

The best dating advice I can give you … is not to listen to every piece of dating advice people give you. Often people are generalizing, or just speaking from personal experience — and you’re not them!

It is best to have a dating mentor who understands your unique situation and can give you advice that is tailor-made for you.