Ima Shalom: When Womanhood Is Whole

The Torah introduces the remarkable role of a woman, specifically within the framework of marriage, with Sarah. Not only the wife of Abraham and the mother of Isaac, Sarah stood as a leader to all women, proving herself to have a unique wisdom that G-d gifted only to us. Abraham was instructed to heed the words of Sarah¹, even when it went against his instincts or personal understanding. From this, Jewish men throughout the generations have held a deep respect for and dependence on their wives for guidance, confidence, and answers. Wives are referred to as the Eshet Chayil, of the home. “A woman of valor, who can find? Far beyond pearls is her value. Her husband’s heart trusts in her and he shall lack no fortune.”² Why a pearl, and not a diamond? A pearl, or a Jewish woman, is hidden. This concealment does not lessen its beauty, rather, protects its delicacy and value. When revealed at the right time – to the right person and setting – this pearl is kept precious and safe from being blemished. 

Similar to Sarah in her feminine strength, who was Ima Shalom? Besides being the sister to the known nasi, the leader of the Sanhedrin, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, she was married to Rabbi Eliezer. He is described as fierce, clever, and fiery-tempered, and despite being married to a power-house woman, held firm that men and women are entirely different entities. With this belief, (until later appointing his wife with halachic responsibilities), he concluded that women had no place in learning or teaching Torah. Rabbi Eliezer was known for prioritizing academic life above home life, such that he did not dismiss class early on erev yom tov³. He made clear in his scheduling that it is the woman’s role to keep the home – not his. The “traditional” roles of men and women were important to him, although his wife’s unique, female touch became increasingly respected by him. He was made aware of his wife’s capability of giving over halacha, or Torah laws. He appointed Ima to the communal responsibility of determining if a female had the halachic status of an adult⁴. This role had serious halachic ramifications. 

Firstly, if Ima did not hold importance in Jewish law (separate from her husband), her name would not be found numerous times throughout the Talmud. Secondly, we can eliminate the assumption that being an Eishet Chayil means being a quiet, submissive wife, and rather, one holding her Divinely ordained strength and obligations to the highest regard. Ima tried to balance her role in guiding her husband, as well as maintaining Jewish law she learned before marriage, in the following account: Her husband had been excommunicated from their community, after holding an opinion which differed from the majority. Although her brother, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, did not initiate the ban, he maintained it; Ima’s husband obviously resented this. Being learned in the laws of prayer and the Jewish calendar, Ima began calculating whether or not her husband would be reciting tachanun, or supplications, any time soon. Her concern was based on a law passed down through her family’s tradition: “All the gates of Heaven are apt to be locked, except for the gates of prayer for victims of verbal mistreatment.”⁵ As tachanun is an auspicious time for one’s prayers to be heard, she tried to prevent Rabbi Eliezer from reciting! Because her husband had been a victim of lashon hara and was ostracized, G-d would hear his cries, and Rabbi Shimon would be found guilty. Due to miscalculating the calendar and thinking tachanun would not be recited, Ima was taken aback when she saw her husband lowering his head in prayer (as is done during supplications)⁶. It was then she was certain her brother had died⁷. From this account carefully noted in the Talmud, we see that with her extensive knowledge, Ima had the potential to prevent her brother’s death. Her husband even asked if she was a prophetess, due to Ima having a feeling about her brother’s fate. She admitted that it was not intuition, rather, she was simply applying the law she’d learned from her father’s home.  

Although it is praiseworthy for women (and men, for that matter) to be modest, that does not mean Judaism expects us to be hidden entirely. On one hand, women are strong, capable, and undoubtedly able to influence those around them. On the other hand, women can be susceptible and sensitive to their environments, which is why we need to be mindful of where we place ourselves.

Lastly, let’s understand Ima’s commitment to modest behavior as an Eishet Chayil. Her husband’s heart surely trusted in her enough to answer a question about one of the most precious “pearls” of marriage. She and Eliezer were both asked how they were blessed with such beautiful children. Referring to her husband, she responded,“…he covers himself up as if he were being coerced by a demon and is covering himself out of fear.”⁸ From Ima’s answer, many laws on marital intimacy were broadened, such as suggested conduct deemed modest and righteous As the Rambam later noted, “engaging in sexual intercourse in the middle of the night [when neither man nor woman can be seen], as Rabbi Eliezer did, is a holy manner of behavior.”⁹ He also states that, “while engaging in sexual intercourse one should have an attitude of fear of Heaven, as Rabbi Eliezer did.”¹⁰ The physical union between husband and wife is considered one of, if not the holiest services in Judaism. Because of this, the laws protect its sanctity and indicate its divine significance. The fact that her answer was noted in the Talmud proves the weight of her influence in Jewish history, as well as halacha. Afterall, she answered the question, rather than her husband, and many marital laws by which Jews conduct themselves come from her observation. She appreciated her husband’s modesty, and was able to articulate his sense of shame. She proves here that there are aspects of Judaism, such as marital intimacy, that are eminently enhanced with a woman’s perspective. 

Although it is praiseworthy for women (and men, for that matter) to be modest, that does not mean Judaism expects us to be hidden entirely. On one hand, women are strong, capable, and undoubtedly able to influence those around them. On the other hand, women can be susceptible and sensitive to their environments, which is why we need to be mindful of where we place ourselves. Ima did not place herself in the shadow of her lofty husband, but rather, tactfully decided when to take action or speak up. She happily held down her home and prepared for yom tovim alone, so her husband could learn and teach. She did this because she valued the Torah, not because she was forced against her will. She almost saved her brother’s life not only because she understood the intricate laws of tachanun and how it aligned with the Jewish calendar, but because her female sensitivity applied the laws (taught by her father) to her isolated and wounded husband. Lastly, without embarrassment, she shared the secret behind the beauty of her children. While marital intimacy can be a taboo and inappropriate topic of discussion, Ima spoke of it delicately, and emphasized the importance of respect and dignity in a marriage. She even revealed the importance of a man fulfilling his wife’s desires, as is commanded in halacha. She indicates that her husband succeeded, which led not only to them both being blessed, but also their offspring! From Ima Shalom, we can learn that there is no need to throw off the “yoke of Jewish womanhood”, but rather, strengthen the many ways G-d created us in His will, and keep it as precious as pearls. 

1. Gen. Rabbah 47:1 ↩︎
2. Mishlei 31 ↩︎
3. Beitzah 15b:10-13 ↩︎
4. Niddah 48b ↩︎
5. Rav Hisda, Baba Metzia 59a  ↩︎
6. The Gemara (Megillah 22b; and cited lemaaseh by the Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 131: 8) cautions an “adam chashuv” not to perform a full proper Nefillas Apayim (on the ground) unless he is certain that his prayer will be answered, “k’Yehoshua bin Nun.” ↩︎
7. Baba Metzia 59b ↩︎
8. Nedarim 20b ↩︎
9. Rambam, Sefer HaMadda, Hilkhot Deot 5:4 and Sefer Kedusha, Hilkhot Issurei Bia 21:10; Shulḥan Arukh, Oraḥ Ḥayyim 240:7 and Even HaEzer 25:3) ↩︎
10. Rambam Sefer HaMadda, Hilkhot Deot 5:4 and Sefer Kedusha, Hilkhot Issurei Bia 21:9; Shulḥan Arukh, Oraḥ Ḥayyim 240:8 and Even HaEzer 25:2) ↩︎