Michal: Rebuke Is Not Necessarily Negative

When looking further into the “tragic” story of Michal, as is the term often used when describing her story, it was clear that her strength has been misconstrued as weakness.  Her admirable traits, though some say led to her estrangement from both her father and her love, David, include loyalty (towards her father), love (for her husband), and the ability to rebuke. Although typically seen as something to avoid, rebuke can come from a deep sense of love and loyalty towards another, which we will delve into here. 

The significance of Michal’s love for David is made clear in the book of Shmuel, “Michal loved David”¹. As Michal’s expression is the only time² in the Torah when a woman’s love of a man is noted, there are many times we see loyalty expressed within relationships, notably Michal to her father. 

What about rebuke? Firstly, it is important that we define the word, before delving into its significance between Michal and David. “Rebuke”, used as a verb, is expressing sharp disapproval or criticism of (someone) because of their behavior or actions. 

There are numerous accounts in Pirkei Avot regarding the concept of rebuke. Rabbi Yeshoshua Ben Perachayah says to judge everyone favorably³. This can be synonymized as giving the benefit of the doubt. Hillel then says more definitively, “do not judge until you have reached his place.”⁴ In other words, it is impossible to judge another accurately, as we never know another’s inner-world, his or her past, or even current struggles. 

If we are heeding the words of Pirket Avot, we wouldn’t have the ability to be disapproving, because we would not be judging in the first place. Does this apply to Michal, though, when she judged, and ultimately tried to correct her husband’s behavior? Surely we have all utilized tough love with those closest to us because we care about them. As stated in Proverbs, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”⁵ Knowing this, we can be appreciative when receiving rebuke from one we know truly loves and cares about us. Alternatively, when being the giver of rebuke, we have to know how to do so carefully, if at all (according to the Shulchan Aruch and the Chazon Ish), as will be discussed later.

On one hand, because of her upbringing, Michal did not understand David. She had never seen such a scene, when, “David danced with all his might before the Lord…and…Michal the daughter of Saul peered through the window, and she saw the king hopping and dancing before the Lord; and she loathed him in her heart.”⁶ For context, Michal was brought up around the character traits of royalty – not around such wayward behavior found in David, a young man descended from a line of shepherds. This difference of character and upbringing offers tremendous insight into the nature of Michal’s rebuke. Michal simply did not know this way of service. She had never lived it, she had never seen it, and she certainly did not expect it from the man in line for the throne. 

As stated in Proverbs, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Knowing this, we can be appreciative when receiving rebuke from one we know truly loves and cares about us. Alternatively, when being the giver of rebuke, we have to know how to do so carefully, if at all (according to the Shulchan Aruch and the Chazon Ish).

On the other hand, Michal was witnessing a man lose control, albeit, in joy. Where had she seen this before? Initially chosen to be king, Saul eventually lost control and began drowning in jealousy. Fearing his throne being taken over, he used his power to manipulate the competition. He sent the shepherd boy, David, on an impossible, and deadly mission. On the sidelines of all this is Michal, watching her father make emotional and impulsive decisions. So, after watching the soon-to-be king, David, dance with uncontrolled emotion, Michal did what any loyal and loving person would do – she tried to steer him in the honorable direction. After seeing the consequences of her father’s mania, she was in the right to rebuke David for losing control. We will soon see how she went in the halachically appropriate, and praiseworthy direction. 

There is a biblical prohibition against holding a grudge, or hatred in one’s heart towards another Jew⁷. Therefore, Michal actually did the bigger and harder thing by confronting him. 

Let’s briefly interrupt this saga to apply Michal’s challenging, but praiseworthy choice to rebuke a loved one to a theoretical situation. Sarah and Rachel are best friends. One day, when out together, Sarah brought up something Rachel had shared in confidence – much too loud. Unbeknownst to Sarah, their classmate was listening from the table next to them. Rachel, aware of the third party, bit her tongue in embarrassment. Rachel’s thoughts spiraled in anger. ‘She is such a loud-mouth! Why is she blabbing about this in public?! I hate her!’ Rachel has two choices: she can either stay mad at her friend, or, albeit difficult, she can confront Sarah about the situation later on. It’s even possible, if approached calmly and made aware that her behavior was hurtful, Sarah will work on bettering herself for the sake of the friendship. 

According to the Shulchan Aruch, it is preferable for one to take Pirkei Avot’s advice, and judge another favorably to avoid hatred. If the judgment has already occurred, one is required to tell oneself different arguments that can help him (or her) forgive the individual and put the matter to rest.⁸ 

If, however, one is unable to get over the upsetting event, then Halacha dictates that he must approach that individual and confront him, with hopes of resolving the issue. The Rishonim and Poskim derive this law from an explicit verse in Scripture which states, “do not hate your friend in your heart, chastise your friend,”⁹ Michal was following the laws of Halacha when rebuking her husband! She approaches David with the following: “…How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” ¹⁰She approached her husband, albeit with strong language, rather than allowing her negative feelings to grow within. 

In certain relationships, such as between a husband and wife, it is integral that we seek peace. In a marriage, and in a friendship (because “faithful are the wounds of a friend”) it’s important to communicate. According to this, both Sarah and Rachel (the sister-like friends) would benefit from a conversation, rather than any harbored feelings of resentment. “Hey Sarah, I know you were only wanting to have a deep conversation, but I was really embarrassed that my private business was brought up in public where others could hear. I’d really appreciate it if we could keep private conversations in private places.” 

In conclusion, the Chazon Ish instructs us to build others only through love. Michal rebuked David because, as his wife, she was one of the most loyal and loving people in his life. She also understood, perhaps better than he did, the tremendous responsibility required of him as king. As the daughter of royalty, she believed David’s spontaneous dancing was not honorable behavior for a king, and, afterall, her father was considered greater and more important than David¹¹. Although Michal could have gone about the confrontation differently, we can admire her for rebuking him with sincere desire to better him, rather than harboring hatred towards him. 

1. 1 Shmuel 18:20 ↩︎
2. Rena S. Goldzweig, King David and His Wives ↩︎
3. Pirkei Avot 1:6 ↩︎
4. Pirkei Avot 2:4 ↩︎
5. Mishlei 27:5-6 ↩︎
6. 2 Shmuel 6:16 ↩︎
7. Vayikra 19:17 ↩︎
8. Rav and Resih Lakish in Sanhedrin 110a based on Bamidbar 17:5; Smag 157 [Biblical-Possibly listed as Mitzvah 157]; Rambam and Ramban Sefer Hamitzvos Shoresh 8 [Rabbinical]; Marganisa Tava on Sefer Hamitzvos Shoresh 8; M”B 156:4; Piskeiy Teshuvos 156:13 ↩︎
9. Vayikra 19:17 ↩︎
10. 2 Shmuel 6:20 ↩︎
11. Moed Katan 16b ↩︎