Tamar: A Selfless Hero

We meet Tamar in the book of Genesis, where her story is presented in the midst of the tale of Yosef being sold and living in Egypt. Tamar is married to Er. Er dies and, fulfilling the commandment that a man should marry the wife of his dead brother, Er’s brother Onen marries Tamar. Onen wastes his seed so he won’t have children with Tamar as he does not want his children to continue the line from Er. As a punishment, Onen dies. Yehudah has a third son, Shelah, who he tells Tamar she can marry once he grows up. Time goes by and Shelah grows up, yet Yehudah still does not give him to Tamar as a husband. Tamar understands that she is supposed to have children from the lineage of Yehudah, and knows that the levirate marriage can occur through any male relative¹. Tamar dresses up like a prostitute and goes to the crossroads where she waits for Yehudah to come. There, she seduces and sleeps with Yehudah. Yehudah gives Tamar his cloak and stamp as collateral. When Yehudah finds out that Tamar is pregnant he orders that she be burned as it seems she has been acting promiscuously. What Yehudah doesn’t know is that he is in fact the father. Tamar shows the cloak and the stamp to Yehudah in order that he will realize that he is the father. Upon seeing his items, Yehudah realizes that he is the father and admits it to all those present.

Firstly, Tamar teaches us the trait of patience. Many years went by with Tamar waiting Yehuda’s third son to be ready to marry her. Just like Klal Yisrael waits for Moshiach, Tamar waited to for years to marry someone from the lineage of Yehuda. Because of this waiting, she is destined to be a part of the line of Moshiach².

Secondly, Tamar shows us the importance of taking decisive action. Tamar waited for an opportune time to approach Yehudah; she chose the moment when the mourning period for his wife was over (Malbim). The verse states that when seducing Yehudah “She sat at ‘Petach Eynayim’”. The Midrash explains that this place translates as ‘opening her eyes’, which demonstrates how she gazed above to the heavens asking to become pregnant. Her desire to be with Yehudah was not out of lust, rather it stemmed from a desire to continue the line of Moshiach. In line with this perspective, the Midrash³ explains that an angel implanted Yehudah with an urge to be with her.

Tamar teaches us what it means to be selfless. Rather than publicly embarrass Yehudah, she is willing to be burned. “A righteous man blooms like a Tamar (a date tree)”(Psalm 92). How do we understand this statement? A Tamar (date tree) is a tree with which all of the parts of the tree can be used. The bark, fruits, and roots are all useful. Just like a date tree gives its whole self, so too was Tamar willing to forego her life for the sake of another. Tamar teaches us complete selflessness.

Thirdly, Tamar affects Yehudah, causing him to change his ways for the better. When Yehudah approaches Tamar, thinking that she is a prostitute, he is at a very low place emotionally and spiritually. This is evident as he is willing to give away his cloak and his stamp to Tamar, which, in those times, represented a person’s identity. No longer does Yehudah care about who he is, to the extent that when a messenger can’t find these items, he lets her keep them. At the point at which Yehudah rules that Tamar should be burned, instead of saving her own life, she decides to keep quiet in order to not publicly embarrass Yehudah⁴. With all of the evidence, she could have easily vindicated Yehudah in front of everyone, yet she is willing to give up her very self for the sake of Yehudah. Rather than embarrass Yehudah, she privately sends the items to Yehudah via a messenger. From Tamar we learn that if you want to change a person, you should do so by example rather than with words; actions speak louder than words. Tamar’s actions turned Yehudah around. Once he realised that he was in fact the one who slept with Tamar, and he recognises Tamar’s selflessness in being willing to be burnt on his account, he decides to take responsibility. Significantly, the moment he takes responsibility is the moment he was able to take the items of his identity back. This repentance of Yehudah, and his return to his true self, allowed for the future Kingship to descend from Yehudah. Tamar’s actions allowed for Yehudah to find himself and grow from the experience.

Fourthly, Tamar teaches us what it means to be selfless. Rather than publicly embarrass Yehudah, she is willing to be burned. “A righteous man blooms like a Tamar (a date tree)”(Psalm 92). How do we understand this statement? A Tamar (date tree) is a tree with which all of the parts of the tree can be used. The bark, fruits, and roots are all useful. Just like a date tree gives its whole self, so too was Tamar willing to forego her life for the sake of another. Tamar teaches us complete selflessness. As already discussed, it was this selflessness which motivated Yehudah to be selfless himself.

Tamar’s story is an intriguing one, yet one which we certainly learn from. Tamar teaches us patience, and teaches us what it means to take decisive action. Tamar’s selflessness is admirable and inspires Yehuda to act selflessly himself. Ultimately, Tamar’s great traits are what cause her to be the mother of King David and the future Moshiach. 

Many of these ideas were taught to me by Rebbetzin Sharon Isaacson of MMY Seminary

1. A levirate marriage refers to the obligation for a man to marry the widow of a male relative. In this case, since Tamar had been married to Yehudah’s sons who had died, Yehudah would have had this obligation towards her. ↩︎
2. Rav Soloveitchik in Abraham’s Journey: Reflections on the Life of the Founding Patriarch ↩︎
3. Bereishit Rabba ↩︎
4. Rashi ↩︎