Shoftim: Internalizing Our Strengths and Weaknesses

“Shoftim v’shotrim titen lecha bechol sha’arecha…”¹ 

Judges and officers you shall place in all of your gates…

On the surface, this is a commandment to establish a system of justice and law enforcement. We need judges and policemen to oversee society and maintain a sense of order. However, many meforshim pick up on the extra word “lecha” meaning “to you.” The pasuk is not merely a commandment to establish courts of law, but it is a directive to every Jew to establish their own inner judge and officer to evaluate their own deeds. Titen lecha, not just “you shall place” – but place over yourself. And where should you place your inner judge and officer? Bechol sha’arecha. At your personal gates. Your eyes, your ears, your nose, your mouth. Over all of your senses. 

Shoftim is the parsha which always coincides with the beginning of Elul, the start of the teshuva process. The first step of our teshuva journey is not even the teshuva itself, but developing the awareness of our habits and behaviors. Before we can change or break a habit, work on a midda or fix a wrongdoing, we first need to track where we are. This echoes the path laid out by our mussar giants such as the Ramchal, whose first step outlined in his famous Mesilat Yesharim is Zehirut, watchfulness². In order to maximise the power of teshuva in Elul and the High Holy Days, we first need to stop and take stock of who we are and what we are doing each day. 

The wisdom of Parshat Shoftim guides us in the first step. In Elul, we don’t worry about changing. We don’t think about the al cheits we will be banging our chest over on Yom Kippur. Rather, we spend Elul getting to know ourselves so that by the time Rosh Hashanah comes we have a clear vision of our strengths and weaknesses. We know how much time for tefilla and Torah we set aside, how we interact with our family and friends, how much chessed we do, how careful we are with our speech and how much of our mind is occupied daily with thoughts of growth and spirituality. We may find that where we think we are does not truly align with where we are, and the values and dreams we hold dear may not manifest in our day-to-day lives. Discovering this will help us clarify what our potential is and what we want to achieve in the upcoming year. And on another level, it will allow us to truly feel regret for our sins, we will sincerely feel regret over wasted time, lost opportunities and lack of actualising our great potential.

However, the idea of appointing a policeman over ourselves (and when that policeman is a tough inner critic like us!) may lead us to approach this area incorrectly. Instead of propelling us forward to access our potential, we are left feeling hopeless, drowning in the imperfections which we come to obsess over. Jewish women are famed for their guilt– and for good reason. We want to be perfect avdei Hashem, perfect wives and perfect mothers. When we believe we are falling short, it can prevent us from trying to improve at all. Monitoring our actions is a positive tool of teshuva, but when we hold ourselves to crushingly high standards and beat ourselves up over every mistake, we are falling prey not to teshuva, but to the wiles of the yetzer hara. 

For this reason, Rabbi Orlofsky advises that when a person conducts a cheshbon hanefesh (self-accounting), it must include both positives and negatives. In other words, when we internalize the words of Shoftim and spend our Elul evaluating our spirituality, we must include things we are excelling at together with areas where we struggle. We might find that we are not as good a listener as we thought and we notice over Elul that we are constantly interrupting others mid-speech. But we may also discover that we are extremely giving in other ways and use our car multiple times a week to give last-minute lifts to people in need. We might police ourselves and conduct our own court on our actions, but we must not forget to include the good. Our strengths are as much part of our life’s mission as our weaknesses and both are given to us, with wisdom and love, from Hashem. 

As wives and mothers, we may feel that we are charged with an extra mission: to be the spiritual police officer of our husbands and children. We may think that over Elul we should point out the faults of our husbands and children and give them a headstart to the teshuva process. But, this is all incorrect. It is true, in Eishet Chayil we sing “Tzofia halichot beita” “She watches the ways of her household.” Indeed, she watches – but she doesn’t reveal what she sees.

A powerful image for this is the scene of bedikat chametz, where we search for any last crumbs of chametz using a feather, spoon and candle the night before Pesach. Our sefarim tell us that chametz represents the yetzer hara and bedikat chametz is symbolic of the search we perform inwardly, to seek out our inner “leaven”, our evil inclination– and purge it together with the physical chametz. Mr David Sacks³ points out that although the search is conducted with a candle, symbolising that we need to shine light onto our chametz, our deficiencies– we remove it with a feather. We enter the dark places within ourselves in a gentle manner, with respect for our potential and our unchanging value as Hashem’s children. It is this mashal which should shape the way we examine our own deeds. 

As wives and mothers, we may feel that we are charged with an extra mission: to be the spiritual police officer of our husbands and children. We may think that over Elul we should point out the faults of our husbands and children and give them a headstart to the teshuva process. But, this is all incorrect. It is true, in Eishet Chayil we sing “Tzofia halichot beita” “She watches the ways of her household.”⁴ Indeed, she watches – but she doesn’t reveal what she sees. Rather, the woman of the home internalises all that she saw – and makes quiet changes to her house. She may not break any of the negative habits that she has seen– but she has made her home more G-dly, more equipped for growth, more fitting for the Shechina.

A woman notices that her husband always falls asleep at the Shabbat table, feeling that her family is left deprived of a spiritual experience. She says nothing but ensures that each Friday if there is time for her husband to nap, she doesn’t interrupt him to ask for his help, preferring he fills up on energy. Perhaps she prepares some thoughtful questions of her own on the parsha, to engage her family or prepares a favorite family dish to keep everyone at the table. Such a woman is truly fulfilling the pasuk “Tzofia halichot beita.” 

May we become the shofet that Hashem wants us to be – and deep down every woman dreams of becoming. A woman of wisdom who can penetrate to the core of her own being and that of her family – with finesse, with gentleness and with an eye to growth. Through internalizing our strengths and weaknesses and those of our family, we can then refine ourselves and elevate our home for the upcoming year of 5785. 

1. Devarim 16:18 ↩︎
2. Mesilat Yesharim (Path of the Just), Chapter 2 ↩︎
3.  In his Pesach article, published on aish.com https://aish.com/cleaning-our-hearts-for-passover/  ↩︎
4. Mishlei 31:27 ↩︎