Matot-Masei: The Significance of the Kohen Gadol’s Mother

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Towards the end of the parsha, Hashem commands Bnei Yisrael to build arei miklat, cities of refuge for accidental murderers. The murderers would live in the cities of refuge until the Kohen Gadol of the time passed away and they could then go free. One key character in this scenario is the mother of the Kohen Gadol. Although she is not mentioned in the pesukim, the Mishna¹ tells us that the mother of the Kohein Gadol would ply the inmates with food and clothing to ensure that they would not pray for her son to die in their desire for freedom. In this article, we will unpack the depth and wisdom behind the mother of the Kohen Gadol.

According to a basic understanding, the mother of the Kohen Gadol was essentially bribing the accidental murderers. Through pampering them with new clothing and treating them to home-baked cookies, the mother of the Kohen Gadol sought to create an environment so comfortable and homely, that the inmates would not feel the need to leave. This would ensure that they would not pray for her son, the Kohen Gadol, to die, as they would not feel as desperate to secure their freedom. There is certainly a beautiful message implicit in this simplistic understanding; that the handmade food and clothing of a Jewish mother is so loving that it can transcend all.

The Jewish woman also symbolises the power of life with the rhythm of her own body and the halachot pertaining to it. A woman is constantly cycling through a pattern of potential life and loss of life each month and she restores her physical and spiritual vitality at the mikve. It was the Jewish women of Egypt who believed in the power of continuing life and encouraged their husbands to carry on the Jewish nation with their holy mirrors.

I recall a beautiful story of a mother whose son unfortunately left the path of Torah. Although Shabbat observance was not on the cards, the mother faithfully left a cup of grape juice for her son every week to make kiddush. A gesture so small, yet it was those thoughtful cups of grape juice which paved the way for her son to come back to the Torah way.

Yet, this understanding cannot account for the full picture. Would someone truly be happy living essentially in exile just to eat the cookies of the Kohen Gadol’s mother? Surely not. Rav Mordechai Kamenetzky sheds light on the deep spiritual underpinnings of this act. In his explanation, Rav Kamenetzky notes that the ir miklat was not merely a refuge, a prison of sorts. It was an incubator for growth, an environment set up to foster true feelings of teshuva.

Through experiencing the generous gestures of the Kohen Gadol’s mother, the accidental killers would reawaken the power of life. They would appreciate how desperate a mother is to keep her son alive, at how loving she is toward them even as criminals – and this would sensitize them to the power of life. Although once careless, the accidental murderers would have an opportunity to stop and think about the impact their deed had on the individual and on their family. In this way, the bond the mother created with them through her gifts ensured they would not be able to pray for her son’s death. Because never had they so deeply appreciated the power of life.

It is incredible to think how a few presents could have such a tremendous impact on a person. Yet, it was truly the cookies of the Kohein Gadol’s mother which set the teshuva process in motion. Love is truly a powerful tool to inspire teshuva and significantly, the highest level of teshuva is teshuva me’ahava, teshuva from love. When we show an interest in the welfare of a person, even one languishing in prison, it can restore their sense of self-worth and certainly reinstill the value of life.

Chava, the first woman was called Chava because she was the eim kol chai, mother of all life. Women resemble the power of life, both in the way they physically carry and nurture their babies through pregnancy and bring new life into the world as well as emotionally infusing spiritual life into the home. While the man is in many ways the spiritual anchor of the home with his regular attendance in shul and learning in the beit Midrash, the woman breathes spiritual vitality into everything she does. She has the koach of giving spiritual life to the most mundane of entities; flour and water, and uplifting it to the beloved mitzva of hafrashat challa.

There was no one more alive than the holy Jewish women who preceded us. In fact, even in the parsha recording her death, Sara Imeinu’s passing is recorded as Chayei Sara, the life of Sara. As Rashi tells us, kulam shavin ltova, every year of her life was good. Her years of infertility, her time of being hidden and kidnapped, every easy and hard moment– she truly lived life to the fullest.

With our status as Jewish women, we are infused with the power to lift those around us and remind them of the power of life. Like the Kohen Gadol’s mother showering the accidental murderers with love and gifts, we have the ability to harness the same koach. To look at our students, friends and children who may be struggling and assure them that we still believe in them. To show them so much extra love and pampering that they will believe once more in the power of life. If we can model this for those around us, this will be the greatest teshuva of all.