Tamar: Unholy Actions, Holy Outcomes

🖨 Print

In Parshat Vayeishev, we are introduced to Tamar, an exemplary tzaddeket who was as righteous as she was beautiful (Midrash Hagadol 38, 7) .

Tamar was the daughter of Shem, who survived the great flood with his father Noach and brothers Cham and Yefes. We are introduced to Tamar in the context of her marriage to the sons of Yehudah, first Er and then his younger brother Onan. When Tamar married Er, he was afraid that she would fall pregnant and ruin her beauty so he defeated the purpose of marriage and spilled his seed. (Midrash Hagadol 38, 6) Hashem was angry at him for his evil actions and thus he forfeited his life.

Since his brother died childless, the obligation of yibum devolved upon Onan and he agreed to marry the widow of his brother – Tamar at the urging of his father Yehudah. Onan understood the kabbalistic significance of yibum (the mitzva of a man to marry his deceased brother’s wife) – that he would father a child that would possess the soul of his deceased brother. (Kesav vekabolla) Having no desire to benefit his brother in this manner, he too spilled his seed lest Tamar conceive from him. Hashem was displeased with him and thus following in the footsteps of his brother, Onan died.

Yehudah was reluctant to give Tamar to his third son Shaila after her first two husbands died; however, Tamar yearned to bear children from the holy tribe of Yehudah. She had a prophetic insight that a union between her and Yehudah would result in kings, thus she acted wisely (Zohar) and initiated a meeting between her and Yehudah. Tamar shows us the value of bearing children from a holy source. She desperately wanted to mother children from the great tribe of Yehudah, and when she realized that Shaila wasn’t being offered to her in marriage, she decided to seduce Yehudah himself. She takes matters into her own hands, risking her integrity to ensure the goal of bearing righteous children. As women and mothers, we need to realize that we are raising the next generation, and bringing children into the world is a sacred and elevated mission. Despite the challenges involved in child raising, one partners with Hashem in this holy endeavor.

Motivated by ideals that were totally for the sake of Heaven, Tamar disguised herself as a harlot in order to deceive Yehudah. She sat in a public place that she was sure Yehudah would frequent and prayed a heartfelt prayer to Hashem that she would not leave the tzaddik Yehudah empty-handed. When Yehudah passed this lowly woman, he turned away since a tzaddik of his stature would never stoop to sin with a harlot.

Despite Tamar being the former daughter-in-law of Yehudah, he did not recognize her since she was always modestly veiled in his house. It was due to this beautiful trait of tzniut that Hashem designated Tamar to be the matriarch of the royal family of Klal Yisrael. (Megilla 10) We live in a day and age where modesty is under fire, and many people overlook the value in tzniut. Tamar shows us the beauty in being modest and concealed, and she displays the connection between modesty and royalty. One of the roles of the Jewish woman is to be covered on the outside so that one’s internality can shine brightly. Dressing and acting appropriately make one a vessel for the Divine presence.

Tamar requested that Yehudah betrothe her in the proper manner. Yehudah performed the marriage ceremony between him and Tamar in view of the two witnesses who had accompanied him on his way. Only after they were married Yehudah had marital relations with Tamar, according to Daat Zekainim 38,17. Three months later, Yehudah was informed that Tamar was pregnant by harlotry. Furthermore, Tamar was proud of her pregnancy, proclaiming that she was carrying kings. (Berieishis Rabba 85, 11) Yehudah convened a Bais Din who sentenced Tamar to death by burning, since she was the daughter of a kohen, whose immorality is punishable by being burnt to death. At this point, Tamar faced a daunting challenge. She could publicize the fact that she was pregnant by Yehudah, thus saving her life and the lives of the unborn twins, or she could remain silent and refrain from embarrassing Yehudah in public. Tamar does the impossible and chooses to remain silent. She acts selflessly and heroically, not willing to shame her fellow man to save herself. How often do we face the choice of being selfish or selfless? Tamar teaches us to choose the high road and to act altruistically, putting the needs of others before our own.

At this point, Tamar raises her eyes to Heaven and pleads with Hashem to save her in her hour of need. Hashem answered her heartfelt tefilla and revealed the pledge that Yehudah had given to her prior to consorting with her. As soon as Yehudah saw this, he bravely proclaimed, “I am the father of Tamar’s children.” A voice from Heaven corroborated Yehudah’s words by saying, “I arranged these events. Tamar will bear kings and prophets.”

Tamar gave birth to righteous twins, Peretz and Zerach and it is from the line of Peretz that Mashiach will descend. Since Tamar acted for the sake of Heaven, Hashem rewarded her actions by allowing her to mother tzaddikim. Tamar shows us that all of our actions should be for the sake of Hashem. One needs to question one’s actions and ask oneself, “Is this the will of Hashem? Am I acting in accordance with Hashem’s desire? Would Hashem be proud of what I am doing?” Only by subjecting our deeds to self-analysis will we make sure that like Tamar, we are acting for the sake of Heaven.

Tamar is a role model for Jewish women throughout the ages. She demonstrates courage and bravery by disguising herself in order to have a union with the great tzaddik Yehudah. As women, we need to cultivate these traits within us and be strong in the service of Hashem. Tamar displays a great desire to be the matriarch of Moshiach. Let us ask ourselves what actions we are doing to hasten the arrival of Moshiach.

May we merit to copy some of the middot of this righteous woman and may we see the light of Mashiach shine brightly very soon.