Letting Go of Control

What if I lose my job? What if the stock market plunges? What if one of my family members becomes ill? Sound familiar? Many of us go through life asking ourselves questions we have no control over. Whether it is about jobs, shidduchim, or finances, we find it necessary to ponder the “what ifs” in life. And yet, with all the time and thought we may put into the question, we can never say we fully know the answer. 

Trying to play out various scenarios in our head can become a futile and self-deprecating exercise, especially if we continually perseverate on ideas without actually accomplishing any objectives. Instead, we might look at David HaMelech’s (King David) words in Tehillim: Cast upon Hashem your burden and He will sustain you¹.

If ever there was a person who had reason to worry about his circumstances or the future, it was David Hamelech. For the better part of his life, he had to escape, fight, or hide from his tormentors, and yet, he resolves to cast his worries upon Hashem. He understands that by doing so he creates more tranquility in an otherwise turbulent life. Worrying will serve him no purpose, except to increase his agitation. Therefore, he acknowledges that Hashem will sustain him and thus protect and strengthen him from additional anxiety and stress associated with worry.

In our lives, we are presented with two types of circumstances: those we have control over and those we do not. Our first task is to identify which type of situation we are faced with. To do this, we must ask ourselves if the situation is within our realm of control. In other words, if we take action, can we influence the outcome? Let’s take a simple example. If we want a job, we have to apply for it. By sending in a resume for a specific position, we leverage our chances of getting hired by highlighting our talents and abilities. After we do our part, we are one step closer to our desired goal. 

What about situations out of our control? These are circumstances we have no potential sway in. Regardless of what we say or do, we may not be able to influence the outcome. Sticking with the example above, once we send in our resume and possibly have a job interview, it is ultimately up to the employer whether or not he or she will extend a job offer our way. We have already done our share and now the final decision is in the hands of someone else. Once it’s outside our realm of control, we must let it go if we want to create a more peaceful mindset.

Our mental health is as important as our physical health, and one way to ensure its optimal functioning is to reduce the amount of worry in our lives.

Many situations throughout life present us with this challenge. And like David HaMelech, we need to make efforts and take action. We can think about challenges we might face and create a plan to deal with them, should the need arise. It’s perfectly sensible and responsible to be prepared, and if we’re able to plan ahead for unforeseen events, it will help ease our worries in the long run. But let’s not let issues we have no sway in eat away at us. Let’s not become so worried about the ‘what ifs,’ we lose our sense of peace and wellbeing. Our mental health is as important as our physical health, and one way to ensure its optimal functioning is to reduce the amount of worry in our lives.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to let go of worry because we are used to being in control. A sense of control helps us feel settled and in command in our lives. We manage our homes, jobs, and budgets, oversee our children’s education and extracurricular activities, and make important decisions throughout our lives. We are at the steering wheel in our cars and generally decide what we want to do and when. As long as life runs smoothly, we feel at peace and in control. But when we overly concern ourselves with areas we have no control over, our content and calm lives can spiral downward quickly. It is during these times, we must convince ourselves to let go of the need to control and trust in Hashem. 

The Almighty has a master plan for each of us, and if we learn to voice our concern to Hashem and then let Him take care of it, we will reduce our anxiety and stress tremendously. We need to give ourselves permission to do what limited amount we can, and then let it go. Remember David HaMelech’s advice to cast our burden on Hashem. By focusing on what we do have influence over and releasing everything else to Him, we will invite more calm and peace into our lives.  

¹ Psalm 55