Self-Control or Strategic Avoidance: Structuring Our Lives for Success

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We’ve all struggled with temptation. Whether it’s an impulsive online purchase, eating junk food when we’re on a diet, or getting distracted when we ought to be working, the battle for self-control can feel overwhelming. But what if there was a simpler way? The Gemara reveals a surprising truth: the secret to resisting temptation lies not in heroic willpower, but in strategic avoidance. Let’s explore how ancient wisdom and contemporary insights converge on this powerful principle.

The Gemara (Bava Batra 57b) discusses the importance of avoiding situations that invite temptation. It presents a case of a man with two possible paths to his destination and examines his choice:

“and shuts his eyes from looking upon evil” (Yeshaya 33:15). Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Abba says: This is referring to one who does not gaze at women while they are standing over the laundry, as it was common for them to stand in the water and raise the hems of their garments while laundering their clothing.

The Gemara clarifies: What are the circumstances? If it is referring to a case where there is another way by which the one walking could reach his destination, then one who walks past the women, consequently placing himself in a situation where he will be tempted to gaze at them, is wicked.

When the Gemara refers to the man who gazes at the women washing as wicked, it is not because of a single glance, but because he consciously chose to put himself in a situation of temptation when he had an alternative route he could have taken.

This highlights a crucial principle: true self-control isn’t about resisting temptation when it’s staring you in the face; it’s about avoiding the situation altogether.

This concept is one that James Clear expresses in his book “Atomic Habits.”¹ He writes as follows:

The people with the best self-control are typically the ones who need to use it the least. It’s easier to practice self-restraint when you don’t have to use it very often. So, yes, perseverance, grit, and willpower are essential to success, but the way to improve these qualities is not by wishing you were a more disciplined person, but by creating a more disciplined environment.

… “Disciplined” people are better at structuring their lives in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control. In other words, they spend less time in tempting situations.

Bringing all of this together, we come to an essential point: prevention is more effective than reaction. True self-control isn’t a battle fought in the heat of temptation; it’s a strategic plan implemented long before the battle even begins. Just as the Gemara condemns deliberately walking into a tempting situation, Clear highlights that “disciplined” individuals structure their lives to avoid such scenarios. This isn’t about weakness; it’s about wisdom. It’s about recognizing the limitations of human willpower and strategically minimizing the need to rely on it.

By structuring our lives to minimize exposure to temptation, we free ourselves from the constant struggle of resisting our impulses, allowing us to focus our energy on more important things.

The Paradox of Restraint: Finding Freedom in Boundaries

Clear then explains that “one of the most practical ways to eliminate a bad habit is to reduce exposure to the cue that causes it.”²

In the religious world, restrictions are sometimes viewed negatively, as if they are stifling. Why can’t we enjoy the same openness as the secular world?

However, through the lens of what we’ve been discussing, these restrictions can actually serve a positive purpose, helping a person build a life of discipline without unnecessary distractions or temptations. Take the example of an internet filter: Yes, it can be frustrating when we want to watch a video but can’t access it. But at the same time, that very restriction can be seen as a tool for self-discipline. By removing access to distractions in this way, we’re not constantly forced to resist the temptation to procrastinate by endlessly scrolling through YouTube, we simply avoid it altogether.

Similarly, the separation of men and women within religious communities significantly reduces the likelihood of individuals developing unwanted romantic feelings toward the opposite sex. This helps minimize potential sources of emotional distraction and temptation.

Some of this effort to reduce exposure to harmful influences is already built into religious life. But beyond what’s already in place, we can apply this principle to any area where temptation exists. The key takeaway is that we should design our environment to support our goals instead of constantly struggling against our impulses. For example, it’s much easier to eat healthily when our home is stocked with only nutritious food, rather than keeping snacks around and having to resist them constantly.

Ultimately, the key takeaway is that we are not passive victims of our impulses. We are architects of our own environments. By consciously shaping our surroundings, we can cultivate a life of discipline and purpose, not by relying on sheer willpower, but through the wisdom of strategic avoidance – smartly avoiding temptation in the first place. This shift from reactive resistance to proactive design enables us to set ourselves up for success by designing a life that makes good choices easier and more natural.