The Status of the Widow in Judaism

Within the Torah perspective, the widow is viewed with extreme care and sensitivity. While this may be misconstrued as pity, we see that Hashem draws a direct comparison to affronting a widow and affronting Himself¹, and it would be completely remiss to say that we need to pity God. Therefore, as the Torah goes to lengths to protect the rights of widows, we can deduce that there are important lessons and implications to learn from this. 

The primary pasuk and mitzvah dealing with widows states, “You shall not mistreat any widow or orphan.”² The Torah goes on to say that if a person transgresses this commandment, Hashem “will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me, and My anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your own wives shall become widows and your children orphans.”³ As with many mitzvot, Hashem does not explicitly state why widows and orphans need to be treated so delicately, but as the meforshim extrapolate, this is hardly a chok. 

As decent and compassionate as we all want to believe we are, the Torah brings a stark reminder that nobody is immune to the yetzer hara that comes with facing someone in a weaker emotional position than us. There is no time limit placed upon interacting with a widow in the way there is a timeframe on mourning in general, indicating that the distress incurred from losing your spouse may ease with time, but it never truly ends. On a practical note, Rashi⁴ and the Chizkuni⁵, among others, note that a widow is left without the financial protection of her husband, thus making her more vulnerable to being taken advantage of. This is reinforced in Devarim, where the Torah commands “you shall not take a widow’s garment in pawn.”⁶

Further cementing the laws surrounding how to care for a widow, the Mishnah⁷ records, “In the case of a widow who said: I do not want to move from my husband’s house, but instead I wish to remain there, the heirs are not able to say to her: Go to your father’s house and we will sustain you. Rather, they sustain her in her husband’s house and they give her living quarters befitting her dignity.” 

As decent and compassionate as we all want to believe we are, the Torah brings a stark reminder that nobody is immune to the yetzer hara that comes with facing someone in a weaker emotional position than us. There is no time limit placed upon interacting with a widow in the way there is a timeframe on mourning in general, indicating that the distress incurred from losing your spouse may ease with time, but it never truly ends.

We see from here that even the widow’s own children, who themselves have suffered a great loss, are compelled to treat their mother with heightened sensitivity. The basis for this, the Gemara⁸ explains, is that in her ketubah, the widow’s husband vows that “you will reside in my house and be sustained from my property all the days that you live in my house as a widow.” There are limits, of course, to what the heirs owe their mother, but the halachot above outline the basic premise that a widow may, under no circumstances, have her dignity or standard of living compromised as a result of her loss.

Another interesting detail – the halacha, from Torah commandment to practical measures, does not change whether the widow is wealthy or poor. Rabbeinu Bachya⁹ clarifies from the Sifri that even the widow of a king is included in the prohibition of mistreatment. Indeed, we see that Batsheva, David HaMelech’s widow, remained in his palace sustained by their son, Shlomo HaMelech¹⁰. 

Such halachot and examples underscore the emotional reality of widowhood. Judaism places much weight on getting married and considers the wedding day as the happiest day of a person’s life. It marks the beginning of a life together, and the end of that joint life in this world brings with it commensurate sadness. 

A widow, even with an established family and a comfortable inheritance, still bears the burden of needing to readjust into society as a changed person and without her life partner by her side. In order to do this, her community at large must help and facilitate this reintroduction. Part of this is very practical – the Sefer HaChinuch¹¹ specifies that people must speak kindly to a widow, go out of their way to not embarrass them or trouble them with physical labor, and they should even be more concerned about a widow’s financial state over their own. Further, people should actively look out for widows and stand in as their protection to avoid others taking advantage of their vulnerable position and distressed state of mind. 

Another aspect of support is emotional. It is not enough to simply be mindful of the widow’s difficulties, but her community should make sure to invite her to communal gatherings, and ensure that she does not fall by the wayside as people go on with their regular life. In his book, Menachem M. Brayer¹² clarifies the difference between aloneness and loneliness. The former is simply the natural state of not being around others, and this is often even desired in many fast-paced modern societies. Loneliness, on the other hand, Brayer explains, is a dangerous emotional state and “painful feeling of emptiness and deprivation.” 

While aloneness may even be helpful to a widow as she readjusts to her new life, loneliness is to be avoided as far as possible. Bayer stresses that the middah of chessed was imbued in us for just this purpose. Chessed enjoins us to reach out beyond ourselves and connect with others, and we can focus this on those who Hashem has specified as needing this connection more than others.  

1.  Brayer, Menachem.The Jewish Woman in Rabbinic Literature: A Psychological Perspective, p.198 ↩︎
2. Shemot 22:21 ↩︎
3. Shemot 22:22-23 ↩︎
4. Rashi on Shemot 22:21 ↩︎
5. Chizkuni on Shemot 22:21 ↩︎
6. Devarim 24:17 ↩︎
7. Mishnah Ketubot 103a ↩︎
8. Ketubot 103a ↩︎
9. Rabbeinu Bachya on Devarim 24:17 ↩︎
10. Melachim I, 2:19 ↩︎
11.  Sefer HaChinuch 65:3 ↩︎
12.  The Jewish Woman in Rabbinic Literature: A Psychosocial Perspective ↩︎