The Eyes, Windows of the Soul: A Torah Perspective on Crying

One of my favourite pesukim appears in Sefer Shmuel I (16:7) ‘For a person sees what his eyes behold but Hashem sees into the heart.” Our eyes can perceive magnificent physical vision but Hashem’s ‘eyes’ pierce through the soul. The eyes of a person are the window into their soul, and the mention of eyes in pesukim is often associated with the heart, with the world of emotion. It is no coincidence that laughter emerges from the vocal system, but tears spring from the eyes. Eyes are holy, and of course tears, which pour forth from the deepest emotional place, would fall from the eyes. Let us explore the spiritual beauty of tears. 

Although we often view tears through a negative lens, “don’t be such a crybaby!” – many of the greatest figures of Jewish history were recorded to have shed tears. One of the most poignant moments in Torah, and certainly at the climax of Sefer Bereishit is the reunion of the two beloved sons of Rachel: Yosef and Binyamin. The two endured such heartache; the loss of their mother, their painful separation from each other, the descent into Egypt. The Torah records that they fell onto each other’s necks and wept. Weeping over their shared pain and their shared joy. This emotional scene described by the Torah illustrates the beauty of brotherhood – and of the deep emotional bond which defines it. All this from their tears. 

Further, Rashi describes incredibly that the brothers did not cry over their present emotional state, but over the future. Yosef cried over the future destruction of the Beit Hamikdash (Binyamin’s land) and Binyamin cried over the Mishkan in Shilo (Yosef’s land). Rav Shach zt’l wrote that this illustrates Yosef’s control over his emotions. He had a torrent of emotions to unleash, yet he chose to reign in his personal emotions and use his tears for the greatest purpose. Yosef consciously directed his tears. When we feel like crying, we can imitate Yosef and channel it towards something greater. When our soul needs to spill over with tears, we can use them for something so beautiful. 

As women, we know that we have a propensity towards tears, as the Gemara tells us. Tears, bechi, share the numerical value of lev, heart. Our strength is in articulating our heart. Crying is deeply connected with the happenings of the heart, both for happiness and sadness. As women, we are more biologically and psychologically in touch with our fluctuating feelings that the koach of tears is truly one uniquely female. King Shlomo teaches in Mishlei, there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. But the beauty of tears is just that. We can cry with joy, cry with laughter. But we can also cry from pain. A teardrop can encompass an ocean of emotion.

The theme of crying and brotherhood continues through to Navi with the friendship between David and Yonatan, the son of Shaul. David and Yonatan’s relationship is idealised in Pirkei Avot 5:16 as an unconditional relationship, a love not contingent on any factors. When Yonatan confirms to David that his father, King Shaul is out to kill David, the two friends cry, knowing they are now bound to separate. The loss of relationship being a point of pain is a wonder in itself because Yonatan, as the son of the current King could have resented David for being the next-in-line and easily could have sided with his father. Yet their friendship withstood every test, including the test of separation, seen in their parting tears. 

Norman Lamm explores an interesting parallel between the different tears referenced on Rosh Hashanah; those of Rachel, Hagar and the mother of Sisera. Rachel’s tears are eternal and continue to reverberate from the grave “Rachel mevakah al baneha” as we read in the haftara. Rachel’s tears are securing our future. Ensuring hope is never lost. In contrast, Hagar cries as she turns away from Yishmael, thinking he will die. She cries pointless tears of despair, mourning an end which has not yet happened, wholly fatalistic, empty tears. Perhaps more subtle are the cries of Sisera’s mother. The mother of the Canaanite general cried 100 tears upon the death of her son. Tosfos teaches that we in response blow 100 shofar blasts on Rosh Hashanah. Sisera’s mother was full of illusory certainty and a haughty confidence that her son was invincible. She cried over his death because she never imagined he could be defeated. On Rosh Hashanah, we remind ourselves that no-one is invincible and that there is a reckoning for everyone. Sisera’s mother cried tears of shattered hopes, but overinflated hopes. Three different women, three different journeys with tears.

The Gemara tells us that the gates of tears are never locked. Following the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash and our subsequent descent into galut, the gates of prayer became almost impossible to penetrate. Yet, Hashem gave us tears as the key to open the gates. The Kotzker Rebbe asked, if tears open the gates, where is the need for gates? And he answered, the gates filter out negative tears. Tears of despair. Hashem wants heartfelt tears, tears of connection, tears that draw us close. Never hopeless tears. Never helpless tears.

When the 2nd Beit Hamikdash was built, the youth of the generation rejoiced, so grateful and proud that they lived to see the Beit Hamikdash rebuilt. However, the elders of the generation who had long enjoyed the spiritual riches of the first Beit Hamikdash cried. Because the 2nd Mikdash was not on the level of the first, and they were deeply pained over the lost glory. Some of the miracles disappeared, the greatness and majesty slightly dimmed. These too are precious tears, these are Tisha B’av tears. Tears of idealism. Tears upon which are inscribed the wish, chadeish yameinu k’kedem, restore us to the days of old. Even when crying on tisha b’av, there is a joy that we are renewing our commitment to establish true spiritual reign in the world. 

As women, we know that we have a propensity towards tears, as the Gemara tells us. Tears, bechi, share the numerical value of lev, heart. Our strength is in articulating our heart. Crying is deeply connected with the happenings of the heart, both for happiness and sadness. As women, we are more biologically and psychologically in touch with our fluctuating feelings that the koach of tears is truly one uniquely female. King Shlomo teaches in Mishlei, there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. But the beauty of tears is just that. We can cry with joy, cry with laughter. But we can also cry from pain. A teardrop can encompass an ocean of emotion. Throughout the Jewish calendar and through the calendar of our own lives, our tears accompany us through. Tears of elevation and tears of tribulation, tears of friendship and tears of prayer. May each tear shed be filled with meaning so that we can say to Hashem “sima dimati binodecha” “place my tears in Your flask.” Hashem will treasure each tear until there are no more tears to be shed.