Esthet On Ben Pelet: How a Woman Can Save Her Husband from Sin

Abraham Lincoln once said: “A house divided against itself cannot stand…” While Lincoln was referring to the issue of slavery in America, it is clear that his statement is relevant in many cases, on both the macro and micro scale. Upon looking at Parshat Korach this is evident, the people could not withstand such a large schism and therefore, the rebels needed to be eliminated. That is all but a few, who were saved either due to their own merits or others in their household, one such man was On Ben Pelet. 

On Ben Pelet is first introduced as one of the main followers of Korach: “Korach son of Yitzhar son of Kehat son of Levi took himself aside, together with Dathan and Aviram sons of Eli’av, and On son of Pelet, descendants of Reuben.” However, this is the last time the Pshat mentions On Ben Pelet. What happened to him? 

The Gemara explains that he is referred to as “On” because he sat in “Aninut” (acute mourning) to repent for the sin he had committed and “Pelet” because “Pelaot” were performed for him.¹

Rav explains that On did not repent or have miracles performed for him on his own merit, but rather the merit of his wife. After the rebellion began, On’s wife turned to him and asked what difference it made if Moshe was the leader or Korach, at the end of the day either way On would still be a follower. On heard his wife, knowing she was right, lamented that he didn’t know what to do since he had already pledged allegiance to Korach and his congregation. Seeing that her husband needed her help, she told him to trust her and that she would save him. She then got him drunk and laid him on the bed inside their tent and uncovered her hair and sat at the entrance. When Korach and his men came to pick up On to confront Moshe, they turned away when they saw that his wife was in an immodest state. Therefore, On was not among Korach and his followers when they were swallowed up by the earth.² 

The Gemara³ then brings in a pasuk from Mishlei: “The wisdom of a women builds her house, folly plucks I down with her hands.”⁴ The Gemara⁵ goes on to explain that while On’s wife in a way “sinned” by allowing others to see her uncovered hair, she ultimately saved her husband. While Korach’s wife never outwardly sinned, she instigated her husband to go against Moshe, which led to his downfall. 

Therefore, it is clear that the man is the head of the household, he is the one that makes the final decision and acts upon it in the household. But at the same time, he needs to listen and work with his wife because she is the one who knows more of what is going on and is able to determine the fate of the household.

If Mishlei explains that the fate of a household is in the hands of the woman, then why at the same time, it is written: “…איש למטה איש ראש לבית…”⁶ So which is it? Who is the one in charge of the fate of the household, the husband or wife? Perhaps one of the first marital disputes can help shed light on this discrepancy. 

In Bereishit, a dramatic scene unfolds. Sarah, after telling Avraham to have a child with Hagar, then tells Avraham to banish Hagar and her son Yishmael. Being that Yishmael was also Avraham’s child and while secondary, Hagar was his wife, Avraham fought with Sarah. That is until Hashem intervened and told Avraham to listen to what his wife says.⁷

In this case, the Torah shows how the fate of the household is so much in the hands of the woman that even Hashem will command a man to listen to his wife. Yet, at the same time, Avraham was the one who had to banish Hagar and Yishmael because he was the head of the household. This harks back to what Abraham Lincoln said; a man and his wife have to work together to keep their house standing.⁸ 

In one of the most difficult topics to contend with, the “Ben sorer o’ morer” (the rebellious son) the Gemara emphasizes the importance of unity in a marriage. The Gemara explains that if one of the parents wants the son to be punished but the other does not then the son is acquitted. In addition if either of the parents is flawed in some way; blind, deaf, mute, etc., then the son is acquitted. Rabbi Yehuda explains further and says: “If his mother was not suited for his father…he does not become a stubborn and rebellious son.” Therefore, even if both the parents are great but they were not meant for each other and therefore do not have a unified household, the son will not be given the punishment of a rebellious son.⁹

Therefore, it is clear that the man is the head of the household, he is the one that makes the final decision and acts upon it in the household. But at the same time, he needs to listen and work with his wife because she is the one who knows more of what is going on and is able to determine the fate of the household. When the two don’t work together the fate of the household leads to instability. When the two work together they can either be a force that needs to be destroyed or one that brings salvation. 

1.  סנהדרין ק״ט:ב ↩︎
2. סנהדרין ק״ט:ב-ק״י:א ↩︎
3. Ibid. ↩︎
4. משלי י״ד:א ↩︎
5. סנהדרין ק״י:א ↩︎
6. במדבר א:ד ↩︎
7. בראשית 21:12 ↩︎
8. http://agudasisrael.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Shabbat-Message-Korach-5774.pdf
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9. משניות סנהדרין ח:ד ↩︎