Having Children: A Woman’s Sole Purpose in This World?

🖨 Print

Regarding having children, the primary halacha is that of pru u’rvu, to be fruitful and multiply, outlined in Bereishit. In the biblical contexts, this mitzvah is given to Adam HaRishon and Chava¹, along with all other living creatures². The latter isn’t necessarily relevant to us, but it does indicate that this mitzvah touches on something so fundamental that it applies to all of creation. In this article, we will examine the specific role of women regarding the matter of having children. Naturally, this has become socially expected, but what are the halachic ramifications when a woman decides to have, or not to have, children?

Regarding Jewish Law, the two halachot at play are pru u’rvu³, as mentioned above, to be fruitful and multiply, and la’erev⁴, literally “in the evening”. Specifically, la’erev is the mitzvah to have more children beyond what pru u’rvu requires. The former is a mitzvah d’Oraita, and the latter is d’Rabbanan. In both cases, a man’s obligation is uncontested, even though there is debate amongst the poskim whether la’erev has actual halachic force, or if it is only strongly-encouraged advice⁵. Regarding women, the halachot are slightly more complicated.

Certainly, it is encouraged that women have children, and their agreement to marriage already presumes that they intend to facilitate their new husbands in their obligations, which includes pru u’rvu. The bottom line halacha is that a woman is officially exempt from pru u’rvu as decided in the Mishnah in Yevamot⁶, and this position is upheld by the Rambam⁷, the Rif⁸, Shulchan Aruch⁹, and more. Even still, women are credited with the mitzvah if they perform it voluntarily, and the Ran writes that, in fact, “Her mitzvah is greater”¹⁰ as she has helped her husband fulfill his obligation.

It is remiss to say that either men or women have one sole purpose in this world. Hashem did not create people as two-dimensional. Each creation was given unique qualities with which to change the world, albeit with finite channels in which to express those qualities. Having children is undoubtedly a strong desire for most women, and is based on an innate koach present from the very first woman.

Therefore, having children is halachically binding and not binding for a woman at the same time. She, herself, is exempt, however she has entered into a marriage and thus made her husband fully obligated in the mitzvah, and he naturally can’t fulfill his obligation without her. The Lev Avraham writes that “pru u’rvu is the main substance of marriage”¹¹, so it should be self-evident that a woman will do what she can in order to have children.

Similar to getting married, a woman finds herself in an intricate position regarding if having children is part of her ultimate purpose. The halacha does not obligate her, per se, but it recognizes the natural longing for motherhood to such an extent that the Aruch HaShulchan poskins, “If a woman petitions for divorce on the grounds that she wants children, without elaborating why, we force him to divorce her”¹². Even in more modern cases, the Israeli Rabbinic Supreme Court¹³, under Rabbi Yitzchak HaLevi Herzog, ruled according to the Talmud Yerushalmi which states “If she petitions to remarry, the law supports her”¹⁴ regarding a woman who wishes to divorce her husband on the grounds that he cannot give her children and she wants to fulfill her longing for motherhood.

Perhaps this innate longing is why a woman is not obligated in pru u’rvu in the first place. We are given mitzvot based on the deficiencies that Hashem has created us with, and the commandments are the mechanisms through which we achieve our best selves. But if Woman was made with a natural longing for children and procreation, there is no need to instruct her to do so. Obviously there are, and always have been, a number of women who do not, for their own reasons, want children. This is not to say, though, that they lack this maternal instinct imbued in the whole gender. For these women, their maternal instinct may manifest in taking care of others with just as much devotion as other women give their own children. We can never truly understand another person’s journey and the path that Hashem and they carve out for themselves in this world.
It is remiss to say that either men or women have one sole purpose in this world. Hashem did not create people as two-dimensional. Each creation was given unique qualities with which to change the world, albeit with finite channels in which to express those qualities. Having children is undoubtedly a strong desire for most women, and is based on an innate koach present from the very first woman.