Avigayil: Mastering the Art of Multitasking

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Avigayil is named by the Gemara as one of the seven prophetesses¹. However, in the Tanach, she is not introduced as a prophetess but rather as “of good sense and of beautiful form”² and makes a point to juxtapose her attributes against those of her husband Naval, a man who was “hard, and of evil deeds”³.

A person of ‘good sense’ (sachel) is usually someone who is considered to be street smart and understands people. Avigayil understood that her husband had insulted a future king which could be considered treason and therefore, grounds for David to kill Naval. She also understood that Naval was too proud to make amends and therefore, she took it upon herself to appease David’s anger. David had already made his reputation as a great warrior known to the people. Avigayil knew that David could take her and all of Navals house in battle whether at home or even if she surprised them in the field. Therefore, Avigayil had to take a different approach.⁴

In Psychology there are four acute stress responses; fight, flight, freeze and fawn. The least known one is fawn. To fawn when faced with acute stress, such as in the face of an attacker, is to try and deescalate the situation until it can be resolved. Avigayil understood that the only way she could prevent bloodshed was to boldly but submissively ask for mercy and in doing so demonstrated the power that fawning holds.

Before going out to meet David, Avigayil made some preparations. First, she prepared both the food that David requested along with extra to make it clear that she is the king’s servant. David had requested the basics for any quartering soldiers. Naval responded miserly saying: “…Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men of whom I know not whence they are?” Therefore Avigayil brought with her: “…two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and a hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs…”⁵

She set out on her journey and headed towards David: “…she was riding on the donkey, and coming down, under cover of the mountain, and behold, David and his men were coming down toward her, and she met them.” The Gemara in Megilla asks, what does it mean “under cover of the mountain?” The Raba Bar Shmuel explains that she spoke to him about covert things in a cunning manner. She started by asking him questions about Niddah, about whether she was pure or not. David said to her that determining whether menstrual blood is pure or not be analyzed at night. She then took that opportunity to retort back that the same goes for capital punishment cases.⁶

Going back to the Pshat, it is clear that Avigayil acted and spoke in a way that was both kind and cunning. Then upon seeing David, “…she hastened and leaned off the donkey; and she fell on her face before David, and prostrated herself on the ground.”

The Gemara describes Avigayil’s bow as comparable to that of a goose. A goose is a modest animal and walks with its head down but its eyes up as it boldly and with determination searches for food. Avigayil submissively prostrated herself before David but at the same time the simple fact that she came to meet him, to stop his onslaught on her home was bold and filled with determination.⁷

She then gives a speech of a lifetime pleading with David to not kill her husband or destroy her household. Rav Amnon Bazak explains that Avigayil’s words can be split into three parts. She begins by apologizing for the transgression caused by her household but also makes it clear that she was not the one who chose to transgress. In doing so she is both taking responsibility so it is clear that she feels remorse. Therefore she brought food and supplies with her, to pay the “debt” of her household, but also ensures that she is not blamed for rebelling against the future king. Next, Avigayil makes Naval insignificant. Finally, she points out to David that by killing Naval he will be creating a bad reputation for himself as a future king.⁸

While fawning Avigayil also displayed her good sense with her understanding of human behavior. First she acted subservient to David, to ensure he would even bother to hear her out. She begins her actual plea for mercy by belittling Naval likely to make a point that he was not worth David’s time and effort. Finally, Avigayil appeals to the ambitious and logical side of David by explaining that if does not act with dignity and decorum the public will not see him as worthy of leading them⁹.

Rav Nachman in Megilla, explained that Avigayil exemplified the saying: “When a woman talks she also holds a spindle.”¹⁰ Essentially Avigayil mastered the art of multitasking. She understood that she needed to choose her words and her actions carefully to appease David. Therefore, she brought gifts, she spoke in a soft but stern manner and she even looked to the future.

The way in which Avigayil addresses David is very psychological. While fawning and putting herself in a place of vulnerability, she slowly takes the culpability off of her household and onto David, if he chooses to continue with his advance. In addition, she used classic negotiation tactics. First, she established a report by bringing presents along with what was requested. Second she continues forging this report by establishing common ground, an understanding that Naval is a “…fellow…for like his name, so is he. Naval is his name, and ungratefulness is with him…”¹¹

Finally, she reasons with the tactical, political side of David. According to Rashi, after Avigayil prophesied that Naval would not be alive for much longer¹², she went on to say that David would soon be king. Like Rav Bazak said, she put things into perspective for David, she reminded him that not only will this become a bigger issue for him in the future, but to just be patient because Naval is going to get what he deserves.

She ends her speech by telling David: “…when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember your maidservant.” Rava explains that this too is connected to the goose analogy as a goose while stooping its head in subservience is also looking ahead for food. Avigayil understood that she needed to stop David at that time even though she knew it would mean she had to go back to her miserable marriage. Nevertheless, she had faith that Hashem would one day make her single and available again, and therefore she told David to remember her after Hashem had dealt with him (and her through Naval)¹³.

Going back to psychology. While fawning is the least known stress response, it is actually the one that is used most often, particularly by women. A modern day, recent example is the beloved Rachel from Ofakim. When terrorists had entered her home, she was terrified, but her son is a policeman and she knew he would come save her and her husband. She understood the need to deescalate the situation and buy some time; she needed to be subservient while looking to the future like a goose. Therefore, like Avigayil, she started by offering up gifts, her famous cookies and some coke. Little by little she got the terrorists to relax and talk to her, as if she were their mother. Eventually, she was correct that her son and his unit along with soldiers took out the terrorists, rescuing her and her husband. May we be as strong, cunning and wise as Avigayil and Rachel, sometimes you really do catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

מגילה י״ד א:ד׳-כ״ב, https://www.sefaria.org.il/Megillah.14a.13?lang=he&with=all&lang2=he ↩︎
Samuel I 25:3 ↩︎
Ibid. ↩︎
מגילה י״ד א:א, https://www.sefaria.org.il/Megillah.14a.1-14b.13?lang=bi ↩︎
Samuel I 25: 11, 18 ↩︎
מגילה י״ד:א-ב https://www.sefaria.org.il/Megillah.14a.1-14b.13?lang=bi ↩︎
בבא קמה צ״ב:ב, https://www.sefaria.org.il/Bava_Kamma.92 ↩︎
https://www.sefaria.org.il/sheets/104405.13?lang=he&vside=William_Davidson_Edition_-_English|en&with=Translation%20Open&lang2=he
↩︎
Ibid. ↩︎
מגילה י״ד: ב https://www.sefaria.org.il/Megillah.14a.1-14b.13?lang=bi ↩︎
Ibid. ↩︎
Rashi on Samuel I 25:26 ↩︎
בבא קמה צ״ב:ב https://www.sefaria.org.il/Bava_Kamma.92 ↩︎