Beyond Yom Kippur: Making Change Last

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On Yom Kippur, we resolve to change our behavior and abandon our sins—azivat hachet. We stand before Hashem firm and resolute and ardently tell ourselves that we’ve turned a page. We’ve left our sins behind, and we’re determined not to repeat them again. We’re committed. We leave neilah with our heads held high, feeling like a new person. Now, it’s a fresh new start.

However, within a few weeks, days, or even just a few hours, if we’re not so fortunate, we often find ourselves slipping back into those same old patterns of behavior. We were resolute that now we’d be calmer and more patient, but here we are, being impatient, losing our temper, and making biting remarks.

What went wrong, and how can we fix it? How can we maintain our determination throughout the year and stay committed to the changes we want to make? What steps can we take to ensure these resolutions are successful? In this article, we will examine a few approaches.

From One Day to Every Day: The Continuous Path of Teshuvah

The Rambam opens chapter seven of Hilchot Teshuva (7:1) by stating:

Since free choice is granted to all men as explained, a person should always try to do Teshuva and to confess verbally for his sins, striving to cleanse his hands from sin in order that he may die as a Baal Teshuva and merit the life of the world to come.

Rav Aharon Lichtenstein picks up on this unusual phrasing – “The Rambam’s formulation – “he should try” is uncharacteristic. Does Hilchot Shofar stipulate that a person should “try” to hear the shofar? One is obligated and there is nothing more to say.”¹ He explains that the Rambam phrases the halacha in such a way because teshuva for character traits is a life-long commitment to personal growth.

One reason we often feel disappointed with our lack of change after Yom Kippur is that we mistakenly view teshuva as something that happens only once a year. This perception can lead us to believe that the process of repentance is a box to check off, a singular event with a decisive finality to it rather than a continuous journey of self-improvement.

As a result, when we encounter setbacks, we often feel a profound sense of failure, overlooking the fact that true growth takes time, patience, and persistence, and true teshuva is the work of a lifetime. For teshuva to be effective and meaningful, it must be a daily practice—not something we set aside in a cabinet and revisit only each Elul.

Rooting Out the Weeds

The Rambam (Hilchot Teshuva 7:3) addresses the idea that teshuva is not something that concerns just our actions but has to take place at the level of our character traits as well and writes as follows:

A person should not think that repentance is only necessary for those sins that involve a physical act such as promiscuity, robbery, or theft. Rather, just as a person is obligated to repent from these, similarly, he must search after the bad character traits [de’ot ra’ot] he has. He must repent from anger, hatred, envy, frivolity, the pursuit of money and honor, the pursuit of gluttony, and the like. He must repent for all [of the above]. These sins are more difficult than those that involve deeds. If a person is attached to these, it is more difficult for him to separate himself. In this context, (Yeshayahu 55:7) exhorts: “May the wicked person abandon his path and the crooked man, his designs.”

Here, the Rambam distinguishes between behaviors that are considered sins in themselves and others that, while not explicit sins, can nevertheless lead a person to sin and contribute to the continuation of sinful behavior. We are called upon not just to change our behavior but, as the verse in Yeshayahu enjoins, to abandon the path – our mindset, habits, and desires – that has led us to transgression in the first place. To atone for our sins without also rectifying the underlying causes akin to trimming weeds rather than uprooting them; the source remains and will continue to grow. If we do teshuva for certain actions while the path that led us to those actions is still beckoning us, we are likely to traverse it again.

One of the reasons we are often disappointed with our lack of long-lasting change after Yom Kippur is that while we have done teshuva for bad behavior, the deep-rooted desires that drive that behavior linger on. We haven’t addressed the deeper emotional and psychological roots that contribute to those actions.

For instance, we may resolve to stop losing our temper, yet the feelings of frustration or impatience that trigger those outbursts remain unexamined. Similarly, if we vow to overcome envy or greed, we might overlook the deeper insecurities or desires for validation that fuel those emotions. This disconnect can lead to a cycle where we find ourselves repeatedly falling into the same patterns, even after promising ourselves that we’ve changed.

Without this holistic approach of “abandoning our path,” the changes we aspire to may remain superficial, leaving us feeling frustrated and unfulfilled in our personal growth.

From Resolutions to Real Change

After the intense reflection and commitment we experience during Yom Kippur, it’s easy to assume that simply resolving to change is sufficient. We might believe that the emotional highs of the day will carry us through the months that follow. However, to cultivate meaningful change, we must see teshuva as an ongoing process that requires daily effort. It’s not something we can engage in just once a year.

Moreover, we need to go beyond merely addressing our bad behaviors; we must also work to uproot the underlying dispositions that drive those behaviors. Instead of just trimming the surface of our negative traits, we should identify and confront the deeper issues that fuel them. This approach ensures that we’re not only managing our actions but also transforming our character, leading to more lasting and profound change.

Only by committing to this deep and ongoing journey of self-improvement can we truly honor our resolutions and achieve lasting transformation in our lives.