Ani Le’Dodi V’Dodi Li: Doing Teshuva Out of Love

The phrase “Ani Le’Dodi V’Dodi Li” (אֲנִי לְדֹודִי וְדֹודִי לִי), which means, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine,” from the Song of Songs (Shir HaShirim 6:3), highlights a deep, reciprocal love. This expression gains special significance during Chodesh Elul, a time devoted to teshuva as we prepare for the Aseret Yemei Teshuva, which begin with Rosh Hashanah and end with Yom Kippur. Elul is marked by heightened reflection and efforts to repair our relationship with Hashem.

The connection between this divine love and teshuva is illuminated by the Rambam’s teachings. In Hilchot Teshuva, the Rambam dedicates Chapter 10 to explaining that our service to Hashem should stem from love. He argues that when we serve Hashem out of love, our connection with Him becomes deeper and more sincere, thereby enhancing our repentance.

Approaching teshuva with love transforms it into a more profound and genuine process. This love inspires us to better ourselves and renew our commitment to divine commandments, making our repentance more meaningful and effective. Thus, the love expressed in “Ani Le’Dodi V’Dodi Li” frames our approach to teshuva, guiding us toward a heartfelt and transformative reconciliation with God.

To understand how love for Hashem enhances the process of teshuva, let’s examine what the Rambam says on this topic. We will start by looking at Chapter 10, Mishnah 1 of Hilchot Teshuva where he addresses the role of love in our service to God.

A person should not say: “I will fulfill the mitzvot of the Torah and occupy myself in its wisdom in order to receive all the blessings which are contained within it or in order to merit the life of the world to come.”

“[Similarly,] I will separate myself from all the sins which the Torah warned against so that I will be saved from all the curses contained in the Torah or so that [my soul] will not be cut off from the life of the world to come.”

It is not fitting to serve God in this manner. A person whose service is motivated by these factors is considered one who serves out of fear. He is not on the level of the prophets or of the wise.

The only ones who serve God in this manner are common people, women, and minors. They are trained to serve God out of fear until their knowledge increases and they serve out of love. 

The Rambam stresses that serving God should not be driven solely by the desire for rewards or to avoid punishments. This principle aligns with the Mishna in Pirkei Avot (1:3), which advises, “Do not be like servants who serve their master with the expectation of receiving a reward.” If a person’s primary reason for following the mitzvot and engaging in Torah study is to receive blessings or ensure a favorable outcome in the afterlife, this is considered a lower level of service since their actions are driven by self-interest rather than by a true commitment to God.

Approaching teshuva with love transforms it into a more profound and genuine process. This love inspires us to better ourselves and renew our commitment to divine commandments, making our repentance more meaningful and effective. Thus, the love expressed in “Ani Le’Dodi V’Dodi Li” frames our approach to teshuva, guiding us toward a heartfelt and transformative reconciliation with God.

Though serving God out of fear should not be the ultimate goal, it can be a legitimate starting point. As the verse in Tehillim 34:15 says, סור מֵרָע וַעֲשֵׂ֥ה טוֹב— “Depart from evil and do good.” Initially, a person might begin their repentance (teshuva) out of fear of the negative consequences of their actions, using this fear as motivation to distance themselves from sin. This approach helps them move away from wrongdoing. However, once they have separated themselves from sin, they can then progress to a higher level of repentance, motivated by love for God (teshuva m’ahavah). While repentance driven by fear is not the ideal state, it can be an effective means to ultimately achieve a deeper, love-based repentance.

The Rambam mentions that “the only ones who serve God in this manner [out of fear] are common people, women, and minors.” It’s important to understand this within its historical context and not take offense. This is not a comment on the inherent abilities or worthiness of women, but rather a reflection of the historical circumstances that shaped their spiritual education and practice. In the Rambam’s time, women often did not have access to the same level of formal education and philosophical training as men. This meant that women, along with common people and minors, might have had less opportunity to engage in deep, critical analysis of their motivations and spiritual practices. As a result, their service to God might have been more motivated by fear of punishment or desire for reward rather than by a more profound, loving devotion. 

In contemporary times, with greater access to education and opportunities for deep spiritual reflection, women, like everyone else, can and do engage with their faith at higher levels, motivated by love and understanding rather than merely by fear. 

As women, we can also take away the important principle that our motivations matter. It’s not just about how our mitzvah observance appears on the outside, but also about the internal motivation driving our actions. We should reflect on the nature of our relationship with Hashem and ensure that our service is rooted in genuine, heartfelt commitment rather than merely performing duties for external appearances or rewards.

This Elul, as we start the process of teshuva and work on improving our interpersonal relationships, let us also pay attention to our relationship with Hashem. Let us consider what our relationship with Hashem looks like and how we relate to him when performing mitzvot. May we all strive to reach a level where our service to Hashem is motivated by love rather than merely by obligation or fear.