Vaetchanan: Respect, the Central Theme of the 10 Commandments

In this week’s parsha, we read a repetition of the Aseret Hadibrot, the 10 commandments. Fundamentals such as belief in Hashem and no other force, observance of Shabbat and controlling thoughts of jealousy are all included in the 10 commandments. The Aseret Hadibrot have been grouped in different ways, divided into laws between man and G-d, man and man as well as those who pair them in other ways such as linking belief in Hashem to the prohibition against jealousy. Rav Moshe Levy says that ultimately all 10 commandments boil down to one concept: respect. 

Rav Moshe Levy discusses how the basic idea of respect underpins each of the 10 commandments. Respecting Shabbat and parents are perhaps more self-explanatory, but there are some which need more understanding. Not stealing is a reminder to respect others’ belonging, not killing is a vital respect for the life of another and so on. Two of the more interesting commandments are not serving other gods and not committing adultery. 

Here, the notion of respect adopts a deeper meaning and demands a level of loyalty. Truly respecting Hashem means there is no room for infidelity, there is no room for turning to another other power. In the same vein, truly respecting our spouse also leaves no room for infidelity, for turning to another person for marital fulfilment. Real respect demands loyalty; we have unwavering commitment to one thing. One Hashem, one spouse. 

Loyalty and commitment are not just nice. They describe the ultimate level of service of Hashem. As the Torah describes Moshe, “bechol beiti ne’eman hu” “In all my House, he is loyal.” Moshe, the greatest prophet of all time is praised as an eved ne’eman, a loyal and committed servant of Hashem. The greatest level is to reach this status of a ne’eman. A person who serves Hashem day in, day out, no matter what. This is emulating Hashem Himself Who is called kel melech ne’eman, the loyal G-d and King. 

The Netivot Shalom writes that there are parts of the Jewish calendar that are focused on oneg, pleasure and parts that are based on ne’emanut, commitment. Times of year like Chanuka which focus on miracles and light are times of oneg. Months like Cheshvan which are empty of yamim tovim require ne’emanut, commitment. It is easy and pleasurable to connect to Hashem when lighting Chanuka candles, eating donuts and singing Hallel. It is, however, far more impressive to remain connected in a bare month like Cheshvan, where there are no special mitzvot. A true eved ne’eman will remain faithful and loyal to the Torah and mitzvot even when the excitement of Yom Tov has died down.

Shiva is over – and certainly sheloshim – people no longer flock to support the aveilim. They are left, without their loved ones, to somehow adapt back to regular life. However, the true friends, the close relatives and companions of the mourner don’t cease their support. Even when the public shows of mourning end, the loyal friends of the mourner continue to offer practical help and emotional support. They are aware that the grief has not ended. 

But there is yet another level of ne’emanut. Each year, at this specific time, we have the opportunity to demonstrate our deepest loyalty to Hashem. Rav Zev Smith explains this through a mashal. When a Jew loses a loved one, they are surrounded by support. From the levaya to the Shiva and sheloshim. Many people drift in and out of Shiva houses to comfort the mourners; bringing meals and inspiring stories of the deceased. But, once Shiva is over – and certainly sheloshim – people no longer flock to support the aveilim. They are left, without their loved ones, to somehow adapt back to regular life. However, the true friends, the close relatives and companions of the mourner don’t cease their support. Even when the public shows of mourning end, the loyal friends of the mourner continue to offer practical help and emotional support. They are aware that the grief has not ended. 

This is a perfect mashal for the current time. Hashem is in pain over the loss of His closeness with us, over the burnt Beit Hamikdash. We mourn with Him, for the shloshim of the three weeks, for the the Shiva week of Shevua shechal bo and finally on the “levaya” itself, Tisha B’av. And then comes the return to regular life; to the barbecues, pool parties and summer vacations. But the true friends of Hashem, the ne’emanim, the loyal ones do not stop grieving. They know that the mourning has not ended. They continue to feel the pain of Hashem over His children who have strayed, over His Presence which is exiled and His love which is concealed. They step up and continue to be committed Jews, Jews who do not forget Yerushalayim, even as life goes on. 

The 10 commandments of this week’s parsha tell us to own the basic value of respect. To live as loyal, committed people. They tell us that, even as the mourning of Av disappears in a halachic sense, the heart of a Jew should continue to feel. Throughout the summer, we have so many opportunities to show Hashem that we have not forgotten Him. When we Bentsch, to say “Uvnei Yerushalayim” with extra feeling. When we make arrangements, consider the kids who may be left out. When we put the music back on, to think for one moment what the Shir Hashem, the sweet song of the Leviim, would have sounded like.

May we be true ne’emanim; to our family, our friends and above all- to Hashem.