Comparing the Joy of Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur

The Mishna in Taanit tells us that there were no more joyous days in the calendar than Tu B’av and Yom Kippur. This Mishna is mysterious on a number of levels. Tu B’av is not a widely celebrated day; other than the lack of tachanun, there is little which makes it stand out as a Yom Tov. It is therefore surprising to learn that not only is it a Yom tov, but the happiest of yamim tovim, equated with the holiest day of the year.

What is the similarity between Yom Kippur and Tu B’Av? 

Historically, the day of Yom Kippur was the day that the Jewish people were forgiven for the sin of the Golden Calf. A sin so severe that Moshe had to beg Hashem not to wipe out the Jewish people. On the 10th of Tishrei, the magical words rang out: selachti kidvarecha, I have forgiven you according to your words. Hashem forgave the Jewish people for one of the most catastrophic sins in history. Each year anew, on this day of mercy, we are given the opportunity to return to Hashem with sincere, humble hearts. When we turn to Hashem with true teshuva, we leave Yom Kippur with the greatest joy of all, the joy of forgiveness, closeness and love. Once more, we hear those Heavenly words, selachti kidvarecha.

Tu B’av echoes Yom Kippur in this regard. While Yom Kippur atoned for the sin of the Golden Calf, Tu B’av atoned for the sin of the spies. The negative report of the spies and the ensuing bitterness and mistrust towards Hashem and the land of Israel had repercussions for the future. Hashem decreed that the nation would wander the desert for 40 years and all of the males of that generation (between the ages of 20-60) would die before they reached the land of Israel. For 39 years, every Tisha B’av, a group of men died by plague in the desert. But, on Tisha B’av of the 40th year, the last 15,000 men did not die. They waited day after day, until finally on the 15th Av, they realized they had been spared. Hashem had forgiven the people. 

The joy of forgiveness and reuniting with Hashem is the joy of both Yom Kippur and Tu B’av.

It may seem strange that one of the most joyous days of the calendar lies in the darkest month of the Jewish year, Av, and occurs less than a week after the most tragic day of that month, Tisha B’av. Is there a connection between the two? 

The pasuk in this week’s parsha says, ‘V’ahavta et Hashem elokecha’ (Devarim 11:1), we are commanded to love Hashem. That commandment is written only after the Torah describes the deep love Hashem had for the Avot and the desire He continues to have for us. This echoes our tefilla; first we say ahava rabba ahavtanu, that Hashem loved us with a great love and only then do we recite Shema ve’ahavta et Hashem.

In the three weeks, and reaching its climax on Tisha B’Av, we describe our relationship with Hashem in such painful terms. A nidda, a gerusha, an almana. Separated, divorced, widowed. In fact, Rabbi Levin points out that the word ‘get’, divorce is made up of a gimmel and a tet, referring to the 3 weeks and the 9 days, where our relationship with Hashem is that much more strained and distanced. In Megillat Eicha, Yirmiyahu HaNavi calls Yerushalayim a widow, and this reflects our status in these days. 

Yom Kippur, the historic day of forgiveness, is described by King Shlomo as “His wedding day, the day of his joy.” (Shir Hashirim 3:11)

On that day, we were presented with a new set of Luchot, a permanent set. And, like a ketuba, we re-committed to Hashem. 

The 55 days between Tu B’av and Yom Kippur are supposed to be preparation, working on how to connect to our Spouse in Heaven better. Working on re-igniting the love. Working on coming closer and recovering from the month of distance we have had. The gematria of the word kalla, bride, is 55. And the 55th pasuk in the Torah is none other than the commandment to get married. “A man should leave his father and mother and become one flesh…”

Yom Kippur is the day when we re-kindle our loving relationship with Hashem, we get forgiven for having betrayed our spouse and wipe the slate clean. 

Tu B’Av is the start of that process. Tu B’av is when we start working towards the wedding of Yom Kippur, towards the loving embrace of Hashem. We exit the “get” period of Tammuz and Av and work back towards a glorious relationship with Hashem. 

The 55 days between Tu B’av and Yom Kippur are supposed to be preparation, working on how to connect to our Spouse in Heaven better. Working on re-igniting the love. Working on coming closer and recovering from the month of distance we have had. The gematria of the word kalla, bride, is 55. And the 55th pasuk in the Torah is none other than the commandment to get married. “A man should leave his father and mother and become one flesh…”

This is a model for our relationship with Hashem, to become one. This is the peak we should aim to reach in the 55 days. 

There are several reasons as to why we celebrate Tu B’Av, one being that we were allowed to marry between the tribes. Another reason is that on Tu B’Av, the Ten Tribes from the Northern Kingdom were once more allowed to make aliya l’regel in Yerushalayim and King Yeravam’s ban was lifted. Tu B’av is about achdut, coming back together. Echad (one) is the same gematria as ahava (love). The love and oneness that the Jewish people experienced with each other on this day is a mashal for the love and oneness we can cultivate with Hashem.

Tu B’av is sometimes explained to be a Jewish Valentine’s Day. This misunderstanding came from the Gemara which describes how on this day the unmarried girls would dance in the field in white dresses and matches would be made. But is there indeed a depth to the focus on marriage and shidduchim on this day? 

The Gemara tells us that 40 days before an embryo is formed, a Heavenly Voice calls out ‘the daughter of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so!’

Hashem pairs a person with their zivug (partner) before they have even been conceived.  

We know that Rosh Hashana, the 1st of Tishrei, is the birth of man.

Man was created on the 6th day of Creation, so the Creation itself began 5 days earlier, on the 25th Elul.The 25th Elul is the conception of the world.What is 40 days before the 25th Elul? Tu B’av! 

40 days before we are formed, 40 days before the 25th Elul, our bashert is called out. 

This is the koach of Tu B’Av. This is why it is associated with love, marriage and shidduchim. It is a special time to pray that everyone finds the partner Hashem intended for them on this day. 

May we use this day to tap into the spiritual power of love, both between husbands and wives, the nation as a whole as well as us and Hashem. On Tu B’av we exit our widowed status and begin our countdown to our Yom Kippur wedding with Hashem. On Tu B’av we reunite with the Jewish people. And on Tu B’av we are drawn close to Hashem. Let’s focus on our Spouse above as well as our spouse below.