Aging Gracefully: Jewish Wisdom on Growing Older

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As we journey through life, it’s natural to notice the physical changes that accompany aging: perhaps a wrinkle here, a gray hair there, and we might realize that we don’t have as much energy as we used to have. Looking around us, Western culture seems to view youth as the pinnacle of beauty and vitality, the signs of aging can sometimes be met with apprehension or even a desire to reverse them through treatments like Botox. Some celebrities look unrecognizable due to the amount of cosmetic treatments they’ve had to combat signs of aging.

This societal pressure to appear forever young raises important questions about our attitudes toward aging and beauty. Is it really the case that youth and young adulthood are the peak of our lives, after which everything goes downhill? What, then, does the Torah, the foundational text of Jewish tradition, have to say on this topic?

Youth: Seeds Planted, Old Age: Harvest Gained

Rabbi Tatz¹ explains how contrary to the secular view, in Torah thought, old age is actually the greatest time of life. He writes as follows:

The happiness of the birth of a child is that a life of potential has begun, a whole life lies ahead. True, this newborn child has not achieved anything yet, but the moment is happy – he has a lifetime in which to achieve, the options seem almost unlimited. And old age: that is sad because the options have shrunk, the old person has very little power, very few options left, perhaps only enough strength to turn his chair a little closer to the sun. And the end of life itself is the ultimate closing of all potential entirely.

But that is not the Jewish view. We regard birth as happy, yes; the potential is enormous and of course it is essential, But this child has achieved nothing yet, he has acquired nothing of the world and built none of his character and spirit.

In fact, this is an anxious moment. And old age in the Jewish view: certainly, potential has shrunk, but this person has achieved!

If this old person who sits almost powerless at the end of a lifetime has spent every day of life achieving, building, and working to develop the inner self of the mind and spirit as well as the outer world, this old age is not said; on the contrary: the money has been spent, but the goods have been bought! Those goods of character, of Torah and correct actions which have been built during a lifetime of toil have been acquired, they are forever. What a different view of life! Our view of life is that it gets happier as it progresses, happier as potential is converted to reality, not sadder as options close and old age approaches.

Despite physical limitations and reduced capabilities, Jewish thought views old age not as a period of decline but as a time of culmination and fulfillment, where the results of a lifetime of efforts and achievements are realized. This perspective challenges the idea that life inevitably becomes sadder with age as options diminish. Instead, it celebrates the transformation of potential into reality throughout one’s life, emphasizing the lasting value of inner achievements and spiritual growth.

This idea is echoed in Kohelet (7:1), which states, “A good name is better than fragrant oil, and the day of death is better than the day of birth.” Rabbeinu Yonah, commenting on Pirkei Avot 4:13 about “the crown of a good name,” references this verse from Kohelet and explains that the day of death is more significant than the day of birth for someone who departs with a good name. He notes that while people celebrate birth and mourn death, this reflects a lack of understanding. He illustrates this with a parable about a city celebrating a ship entering the sea with joy, but ignoring its safe return to land. This is foolish since, it would be wiser to fear for the ship entering the sea since the sea can be dangerous and celebrate its safe return. Similarly, when a person is born, we should be concerned about whether they will lead a virtuous life, but when they leave the world with a good name, it is fitting to celebrate their life and accomplishments. Instead, people often do the opposite.

The Permanence of Character vs. the Transience of Appearance

What are we to make of the inevitable physical decline of the body and loss of beauty? In our exploration of Eishet Chayil, we reflected on the verse:

שֶׁ֣קֶר הַ֭חֵן וְהֶ֣בֶל הַיֹּ֑פִי אִשָּׁ֥ה יִרְאַת־יְ֝-הֹ-וָ֗-ה הִ֣יא תִתְהַלָּֽל׃

Grace is deceptive, Beauty is illusory; It is for her fear of the LORD That a woman is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

We discussed how true grace and enduring beauty reside in a woman’s character, particularly in her Yirat Shamayim, which stands the test of time, unlike physical attractiveness that diminishes with age.

It’s undeniable that beauty fades over time. While an elderly woman may be beautiful in the eyes of her husband, there’s no denying the stark contrast between her appearance and the youthful radiance of a younger woman. However, this isn’t a negative phenomenon. Rather, it serves as a poignant reminder of life’s true priorities – the spiritual and moral dimensions.

As the Mishna in Pirkei Avot (3:1) prompts us to reflect, “Where are you going? To a place of dust, of worm, and of maggot.” This reminder underscores the transient nature of physical appearance. When our looks inevitably diminish, it serves as an important lesson not to place excessive importance on external beauty, but rather to focus on cultivating inner virtues and spiritual richness that endure beyond our existence in Olam HaZeh.

In sum, does happiness decrease with age? On the contrary, true fulfillment increases as life’s potential is realized and transformed into lasting achievements. As for beauty, does it diminish with time? Yes, but those wrinkles can serve as a wake-up call to remind us that life isn’t about this world but rather the next. As Rabbi Yaakov teaches us in Pirkei Avot (4:16), “This world is like a vestibule before the world to come; prepare yourself in the vestibule, so that you may enter the banqueting hall.” Instead of seeking eternal youth through Botox, let’s pursue spiritual growth that will prepare us for eternity.