Fulfillment vs Motherhood: Should Women Pursue Any Kind of Career?

Sometimes, we are tempted to enter a field because it is just the typical, easy route to go, even if the work is not meaningful to us. I looked around at my friends and family, so many talented young women who pursued jobs meaningful to them. Here are three working women who each chose a field which they feel so passionate about. 

Sara is a junior doctor working in the Royal Free Hospital. Her work includes the long, hard shifts we have heard about and being based in a hospital, Sara has seen it all. Sara chose her line of work because it combines her love of science with her care for people. Although, she cautions, this is not a career for the faint-hearted. Medicine is not just a career, it is a life choice, and an intense one at that. 

Yet, for Sara, it is a lifestyle which she finds “rewarding and exciting.” Sara’s experiences in hospital have served to solidify her emuna and she describes how she has witnessed the most complex, risky surgeries go incredibly well and unfortunately, sometimes the most simple of procedures go terribly wrong. It is so clear to Sara that health is in the hands of Hashem and she has seen up close just how many processes have to go right for our bodies to function. Watching patients struggle with a myriad of different health problems has given Sara the ultimate class in gratitude and her appreciation for the body and all its functions spills over into her personal life and the way she raises her family. 

In our interview, Sara was open about the conflict of the demands of being a doctor as well as being a frum woman, wife and mother. She admitted that each of these jobs requires 110% of one’s time and energy which adds up to a real dilemma. Yet, Sara believes that this is a lifelong challenge for anyone who is passionate about their job and their family. In the future, Sara hopes to use her medical expertise to help Jewish families with fertility and related issues through organizations such as Chana or Tahareinu. 

Sossy is an artist and studio owner of Sossy&Canvas based in Melbourne, Australia. Sossy began in the medical field, working for 6 years as a nurse while doing art on the side. The hours as a nurse were long and hard and inside, Sossy felt that she wasn’t truly actualising her potential and for this reason, she decided to focus exclusively on her art. Although for Sossy this is really a dream come true, she does believe that some creatives will prefer keeping their artistic skill as a hobby. Once a creative art becomes a job, it does lose a layer of the relaxed, free element and forces the creative to be more disciplined. Sossy recently set up a gallery where she displays her artwork and hosts parties, classes and events. 

Although the practical side of setting up a studio was challenging, Sossy passionately believes that art needs the right environment, a warm vibe and feel. Watching the participants of her classes fully relax has shown Sossy that she can give to people even without being a nurse. Sossy believes that whether it is makeup, hair, photography – or another skill entirely- if you have talent for something, you should pursue it as you may reach your tafkid. Even if it is challenging to set up a business, Sossy explains that growth only happens outside of one’s comfort zone. On a personal level, Sossy’s commissioned pieces allow her to bring incredibly spiritual meaning into people’s lives. One special piece was commissioned by a girl who had lost her mother at a young age. The girl’s lasting memories of her mother was candlelighting on Friday night. Sossy was privileged to use her brushstrokes to recreate this memory for this special girl and now she forever has a canvas depicting mother and daughter, side by side by the candles. For Sossy, art tells a story and telling that story is beautiful and meaningful.

Shira is a mortgage broker at SHB, based in the US. Shira entered the field with a finance degree and a love of numbers. While accountancy may be a more classic route for maths aficionados, she feels that it is important for girls to know that there is more than option when it comes to a numbers-based career. Shira started off underwriting properties before being promoted to mortgage broker where she actually sees the house sale through until closing. She enjoys her work, especially when house sales across America allow her to explore different property areas across the country. One of Shira’s clients had 1 million dollars of charitable expenditure recorded in his tax returns and hearing about it in work made an incredible kiddush Hashem. Although money and houses may seem so materialistic, Shira is inspired by many of those she works with and for, and how they choose to give with their money. Although Shira has a degree, not all her coworkers do, and the work, which is a Jewish firm, is completely remote. Shira strongly feels that girls can remain protected in a kosher environment while pursuing a fulfilling career. 

Is the Sky the Limit? 

In writing this article, I surveyed 27 young women who are currently in the working world. One of the survey questions asked if there were any jobs which they believe a frum woman cannot do. Answers included modelling, construction worker, astronaut and exotic food critic. One respondent wrote that jobs which require a lot of travel probably would not suit a religious woman given that time away from home would mean less time available as a wife and mother. I took up the challenge and sought to find out if there are any religious women who work in a role which requires travel. 

Indeed, I stumbled upon a unique chareidi woman called Nechama Spiegel who works as a pilot (and has flown Netanyahu and his wife to Greece on the job!) While this line of work is not typical for a religious woman, this mother of 4 completed the requisite flight hours for El Al by flying each year to the US until she accumulated enough to be accepted. Nechama Spiegel is an example of a woman whose passion and persistence enabled her to achieve her dreams.

Pros and cons

Of course, each dream has its tradeoffs and its costs. Raizy Siegel, head case manager at a developmental disability agency said that at 18 or 19, it is hard to imagine what it is like to balance work with family life which makes it difficult to make the best choice early on. It is hard to be present at home when you are working at a demanding job all day. Factors mentioned in the survey which made a job difficult included long hours and ability to take off for yamim tovim. Hadassa Abbou, a high-school teacher, is happy with her hours and working in a Jewish school, and has all her religious needs accomodated. However, as a post-sem graduate, she worried whether teaching would enable her to financially support her husband in learning. 

Overall, people felt that a secular work environment could pull a person down unless they actively choose to be strong. Interestingly, one respondent questioned what kind of values one models to their children with their line of work – a big question indeed.

An anonymous respondent who works as a software developer admitted that although her job pays well, she finds it completely non-stimulating. Another anonymous respondent who works as a nurse wrote that the care and compassion so key to carrying out her work come naturally to her as a religious woman. However, a different healthcare worker describes the environment as easily ‘toxic’ due to the laidback interactions between men and women who often share intensely emotional experiences in hospitals. This was different for a midwife who said she is surrounded by mostly female coworkers. 

Overall, people felt that a secular work environment could pull a person down unless they actively choose to be strong. Interestingly, one respondent questioned what kind of values one models to their children with their line of work – a big question indeed. Photography business owner, Michal Stollard, wrote that while her photography is extremely enjoyable, the editing process can be long and requires discipline to follow through. Kayla Hollander, hair stylist also felt that running your own business relies heavily on self-motivation which can pose a challenge. H.S, a nurse admitted that while her job is not easy it is ‘manageable’ and she believes that a big part of having a career is ‘determination to make it work with your lifestyle.’ The question is, once we know what our talents are, have located a kosher work environment and found a well paying job– how will we make the hours work? This is a tightrope which every Jewish woman treads and one we pray to get right.

To all the young women out there on the precipice of choosing her career, I wrote this for you, to empower you. Yes, this is a spiritual decision as well as a physical one. Yes, there is so much fulfillment to be found in the right career. Yes, there is a unique pathway designated solely for you. Yes, you can find the elusive work-life balance. Wishing you much hatzlacha on your journey…