Contrasting Women and The Sefira of Chesed

The period of the counting of the Omer brings with it an opportunity to work on ourselves, increasing each day in our readiness to receive the Torah. It opens with a focus on the sefira of chesed, translated as loving-kindness. It is an attribute that helps to connect us to others, to love others, and in doing so we emulate Hashem who created the world in kindness and love.

This kindness is one of altruism, and selflessness, when we do acts of kindness for others not expecting any reward or return. The Torah is filled with acts of kindness of Hashem to us- from creation of the world, to clothing of Adam and Chava, the exodus from Egypt, to the burying of Moshe Rabeinu. The Talmud states: “its beginning is an act of kindness and its end is an act of kindness.”¹ Chesed is intrinsically a part of the interactions between mankind in the world, as well as in our relationship with Hashem. Pirkei Avot teaches us that it is one of the pillars upon which the world stands.² Upon examining this attribute we also see some unique connections between chesed and women. 

Female Role Models

The forefather who personified chesed is Abraham. Many stories express Avraham’s innate tendency toward chesed- his praying for the salvation of Sedom or waiting in the heat of the day to perform hachnasat orchim. But he is not the only one of our forebears to exemplify this midda; chesed is also the unique characteristic of Rivka Imeimu, who, when Eliezer seeks a wife for Yitzchak, goes above and beyond what is requested of her, showing extensive kindness. Indeed this act of going beyond the rational response in our interactions, is how the Rambam explains what true chesed is³. 

Each day of the week of chesed, we take the attribute and refine it within ourselves and work on a different facet of it. When looking at chesed, two of the deeper aspects connect very strongly to the aforementioned connections between chesed and mothering. 

Just as the Torah begins and ends with chesed, so too does the period of sefirat omer. Chesed is the first attribute, and also features a major part of the festival of Shavuot, the culmination. Aside from the chesed of Hashem giving us the Torah which we celebrate on shavuot, chesed is the theme of the book of Ruth. The midrash relates: “Rabbi Ze’eira said: This scroll, (The book of Ruth) does not contain [the laws of] purity or impurity, and not prohibitions or allowances. Why was it written? It is to teach you the extent of the good reward for those who perform kindness.⁴ Ruth (which means kindness in English) shows loving-kindness to Naomi, when she leaves behind all she knows, taking on the obligations and responsibilities of a Jewish woman, in order to accompany Naomi and be her family and support. Boaz also acts with chesed toward Ruth, and the couple, as a reward, are blessed to be the forebearers of Mashiach. 

Chesed, Creation, and Motherhood 

Tehillim 89:3 tells us “the world was built on chesed”. The reason for creation was Hashem’s kindness, and His loving-kindness permeates creation⁵. In his book on the sefirot, Rabbi Yaakov Haber writes that ‘chesed is the life force of the universe…it is simply life.”⁶ Chesed creates unity, and blurs individuality, it is the basis for human interaction. This concept, coupled with the nature of giving and self-sacrifice, connects us to some central facets of motherhood. A mother gives to her children without considering what she will receive in return. She sacrifices herself for their wellbeing. A mother, like chesed, is intricately connected to the act of creation through pregnancy and childbirth. Further, on a conceptual and even practical level, the individuation of a mother is, during pregnancy, blurred, as she carries inside of herself, another life. 

Motherhood and Chesed: Making of the Future

Each day of the week of chesed, we take the attribute and refine it within ourselves and work on a different facet of it. When looking at chesed, two of the deeper aspects connect very strongly to the aforementioned connections between chesed and mothering. 

Gevurah she’be’ chesed gives structure and form to our loving kindness. Chesed can be likened to water that flows freely, but it needs to be given a structure and limits in order to be actualized as real chesed. An example of this is the discipline and boundaries a mother sets out for her child, just as Hashem gave us the Torah in loving-kindness; the boundaries of Torah help us to actualize our potential and to make the world holy, and the discipline of a child likewise, is part of their formation and guides them in achieving their goals and self-actualization. 

In Netzach she’ba chesed, we work on acts of loving kindness that will be long lasting, acts of kindness for the future. This too links to parenthood, where the positive and loving acts of one generation to another ensure goodness for generations to come. Indeed, attachment theory has shown that proper and healthy relationships with our primary caregivers (usually our mothers) have a significant impact on our mental health and our own ability to parent and to create and sustain meaningful relationships. 

Love as Action

In Mishlei, Shlomo Hamelech writes that a woman of valor has ‘wisdom on her mouth and the Torah of chesed on her tongue.”⁷ The Metzutad David explains this means she teaches others and hurries herself to do acts of chesed; she teaches not only by saying but also through her actions of chesed. Rabbi Sacks echoes this idea when he says ‘Chesed is…love expressed as deed…It is an open ended relationship lived toward an unknown future.”⁸

This sefira period gives us the opportunity to become women of valor, connecting to our foremothers, connecting to our ability to create. In these turbulent days, we are in dire need of expansive acts of true, harmonious, and long lasting chesed. With love as our basis, we will make our way toward the sefria of malchus, bringing Hashem down into this world.  

Based on the book Sefiros by Rabbi Yaacov Haber

1. Sota, 14A ↩︎
2. Pirkei Avot, 1:2 ↩︎
3. Guide to the Perplexed, III, 54 ↩︎
4. Ruth Rabbah 2:14 ↩︎
5.  https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380796/jewish/Chesed-Gevura-Tiferet.htm ↩︎
6. Sefiros, p. 21 ↩︎
7. Mishle, 31,26 ↩︎
8. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, To Heal a Fractured World, p. 45 ↩︎