Is the Blessing “Who Did Not Make Me a Woman” Derogatory?

“Thank you Hashem for not making me a Woman.” This statement, found in the Talmud and recited day in and day out by men, a part of our canonized siddur, might be one of the most controversial statements about women in Judaism. On face value, what could be more insulting to a woman than to hear this blessing recited by her husband, sons, the rabbi of her shul? If anyone ever wanted proof that Judaism was sexist and patriarchal, well, here it is! 

However, like everything, we need to examine this blessing in its various contexts to see if its face value is its real value. Here we will present a number of explanations to this blessing, that will refute the claim that it is a derogatory statement about women and can actually be a platform to teach us something deeper about men, women and even society at large.

Firstly, the source of the blessing of shelo asani isha comes from the Talmud in Menachot¹:

Rabbi Meir would say: A person must recite three berachot every day. They are these—’Who did not make me a non-Jew,’ ‘Who did not make me a woman,’ ‘Who did not make me a boor.’

Gratitude for Mitzvot

Rashi gives two explanations for Rabbi Meir’s statements. The first is that women are of a lower social status than men (we will return to this later). The second explanation follows the line of the Tosefta which states²: Who did not make me a woman…”A woman” because women are not obligated in [as many] mitzvot…

The blessing focuses on an aspect of one’s identity and is not meant to degrade women, but rather as an expression of gratitude on the part of men for being obligated in more mitzvot than women, as women are exempt from positive, time-bound mitzvot. Rav Chaim David HaLevy emphasizes that it is a reminder to men of their privilege in having more mitzvot to do. 

“And when he blesses “Who did not make me a woman,” he should have in mind that even though she [a woman] is just as important as he is, she is not obligated in all the mitzvot like a man. And from here [we learn] that these berachot are intended primarily in order to thank God for the obligation of Torah and mitzvot in which we are obligated.”³

Praise for Women’s Spirituality

While men have the privilege and obligation in more mitzvot than women, Kabbalistic thought teaches us that women have the privilege of being more spiritual than men, and based on this, some scholars hold that the bracha is actually in praise of women. According to this line of understanding, women are exempt from certain mitzvot because they are inherently more in harmony with the will of Hashem, and therefore do not need the tikun that these mitzvot provide in this world⁴. This is one explanation for why women began the now accepted custom to recite the blessing of sheasani kirtzono – who has made me according to His will. We are already made ‘in His will’, as Hashem wants us to be, while men need to strive to perfect themselves, reciting their blessing in the negative, in terms of what they are not⁵.  Rav Aharon Solovetchick explained that men are more aggressive than women, who are intrinsically more kind and merciful, and that this aggression is counteracted by doing more mitzvot. The very reason for men to have more mitzvot is so that they will work harder to become close to Hashem⁶.

The blessing focuses on an aspect of one’s identity and is not meant to degrade women, but rather as an expression of gratitude on the part of men for being obligated in more mitzvot than women, as women are exempt from positive, time-bound mitzvot. Rav Chaim David HaLevy emphasizes that it is a reminder to men of their privilege in having more mitzvot to do.

Another approach to this blessing is that men say it to thank Hashem that they do not have to endure dangers and pains of pregnancy and childbirth. This too can be seen as praise for women, who have the strength to endure this pain. Connected to this is the idea that our ability to bring new life into this world, makes us more like Hashem, who is the primary giver of life⁷. 

Privilege as a Call for Action

Rabbi David Fohrman presents another, more sociological, approach to the blessing. He reminds us that Rashi’s first explanation is that women are of a lower social status than men. This is a hard pill to swallow in our world today, even if it was true in the historical context of the Talmud. But we must acknowledge that for much of history, this social perception was a reality, and on a practical level, it really was easier to be a man than a woman. Men’s physical strength created a world in which women could be easily exploited, in which resources were controlled by men, and in which women were unfairly seen as lesser. 

While of course there have always been exceptions to this rule, in general, women still suffer the effects of this hierarchy of power. Women doing the same job as men receive less pay. Women are those who are afraid to go out at night on their own. Sexual violence is perpetrated largely against women. Acknowledging this gender-based discrepancy, Rabbi Fohrman suggests a powerful insight: through this blessing, he says, men thank God for their comparative advantage over women, but that is not where their self-reflection should stop. “If exploitation in the world is apparently not a good thing, what is the first step in correcting it? The first step is a recognition by the privileged of privilege…(This blessing) is a vehicle by which men look their comparative advantage in the face every single day.”⁸ 

Rabbi Fohrman suggests that we use this blessing as motivation to work toward changing the social imbalances between men and women, and more specifically, to make sure we are using our powers and gifts in the way Hashem intended for us to use them.  

Searching for the Bigger Picture

In answer to those who claim that this bracha is proof of Judaism’s sexism, as Rabbi Avraham Edelstein states, “Trying to understand the Jewish approach to women from this blessing is tantamount to someone who insists he understands the hardware and the software of a computer because he has seen the Caps Lock key.”⁹ The above insights show us that it was clearly not intended that way and certainly put the onus on men to change the perception and have the correct intentions when reciting it.

By searching for the bigger picture of this blessing, we embarked on a discussion on the privilege and joy of mitzvot, on our gender roles and their place in connection to Hashem, and in our ability to make positive choices with our privileges, whatever they may be.That said, debate on this bracha, which has existed since well before the age of modern feminism, will continue to rage on; there is no denying that the way it is phrased, can be seen as offensive and may cause women (and men as well) to feel uncomfortable. Approaching the debate through a lens of education, with respect for halacha and the wisdom of our sages, as well as with sensitivity, is key to a fruitful discussion that is le’shem shamayim¹⁰.

1. Menachot 43b ↩︎
2. Tosefta Berachot 6:18 ↩︎
3. Rav Chaim David Ha-levy, Mekor Chayim Volume 7, p. 76 ↩︎
4. Rabbi Shimon Shwab, On Prayer, page 33 ↩︎
5. See more here: https://nleresources.com/2013/07/part-2-judaisms-most-controversial-beracha-that-you-have-not-made-me-a-woman/  ↩︎
6. As explained by Rabbi Daniel Hartstein: https://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecturedata/1079531/The-True-Understanding-Of-The-Bracha-Shelo-Asani-Isha ↩︎
7. See above reference ↩︎
8. Aleph Beta: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKkHD1mjRCg  ↩︎
9. https://nleresources.com/2013/06/judaisms-most-controversial-beracha-that-you-have-not-made-me-a-woman/  ↩︎
10. For suggestions on how to approach the challenges, as well as a source based discussion of the brachot, see here: https://www.deracheha.org/prayer-5-she-lo-asani-isha-she-asani-kirtzono/  ↩︎