Little girls dream of their wedding day. They dream about their beautiful white dress, the magical chuppa, their husband-to-be. Yet, perhaps one of the least exciting moments of the wedding is the signing and reading of the Ketuba, the Jewish marriage contract itself. Aramaic words are read aloud for a minute or two and sometimes the magic of the moment seems to be lost on the confused faces. Guests, as well as the bride and groom themselves, are often unaware of the meaning of these foreign words, and anxiously wait for the next part of the ceremony to begin. Yet it is the Ketuba which we proudly hang on the walls of our homes, often a beautifully decorated version. If we unpack the meaning of what a Ketuba is, we can learn to appreciate it and what it brings to the Jewish wedding ceremony and ultimately, the home.
Let us begin with what the Ketuba is not. The Ketuba is not a love letter between husband and wife, nor is it a prayer for a beautiful marriage. It is a list of obligations, a legal document and it is written in Aramaic; the legalistic language of the Talmud. In the words of Maurice Lamm, โIt is a statement of law that provides the framework of love.โ It is this seemingly dry legal text which creates the foundation for a loving relationship between husband and wife. True relationships are not built on fleeting passions or flashes of desire. They are built on steady, consistent acts of commitment. We base our homes on this truth by setting the tone from the beginning of the marriage that we have a solid, written commitment to each other. We begin our relationship with loyalty. This is the seed that blossoms into a home of true love and unity.
The Ketuba is not a love letter between husband and wife, nor is it a prayer for a beautiful marriage. It is a list of obligations, a legal document and it is written in Aramaic; the legalistic language of the Talmud.
We see this truth reflected in the Jewish calendar. On Pesach, Hashem chose us as His nation. He showed the entire world His incredible love for us with 10 earth-shattering plagues, each one more wondrous than the next. He split the sea for us, clearing a miraculously dry path for us to walk through and nourished us with fresh springs of water and sweet fruit trees which grew by our side. He was in love with us and we were in love with Him, overwhelmed by His greatness and His miracles. We were like a new couple in their engagement period, blissfully infatuated with our husband-to-be. And, like a new wife, we loyally followed our โGroomโ into the desert, as the verse says (Jeremiah 2:2) ืึนึผื ืึธืึทึฃืจ ืโ ืึธืึทึืจึฐืชึดึผื ืึธืึฐึ ืึถึฃืกึถื ื ึฐืขืึผืจึทึืึดืึฐ ืึทึฝืึฒืึทึืช ืึฐึผืืึผืึนืชึธึืึดืึฐ ืึถืึฐืชึตึผึืึฐ ืึทึฝืึฒืจึทืึ ืึทึผืึดึผืึฐืึธึผึืจ ืึฐึผืึถึืจึถืฅ ืึนึฅื ืึฐืจืึผืขึธึฝื, โSo said Hashem, I remember the kindness of your youth, the love of your nuptials, when you went after Me in the desert into an unsown landโฆโ
But this love was not enough. It was not sufficient to run after Hashem when He had showered us with countless miracles, to feel close to Him when He is so openly in love with us. We had to concretise this love and swear our loyalty at Sinai. We had to prepare ourselves for seven weeks, purify our insides and work on internalising the love until we would be ready to commit to living a life with Hashem. We had 49 days to take our fleeting feelings of passion for Hashem and convert them into a real, lasting relationship of love. What was the symbol of our concretised love? Of the real relationship? Accepting 613 commandments at Sinai. 365 things we cannot do and 248 things we must. Learning and practicing these laws may seem mundane and dry. But, like the ketuba, this is the backbone of our relationship with Hashem. We said โI do.โ We said โNaโaseh VโNishma.โ We committed to being a loyal partner to Hashem. It is the intricacies of halacha (Jewish law) like the conditions on the Ketuba, which cements us to our spouse and creates true, loving relationships.
On Shavuot, the festival which commemorates the Giving of the Torah, some have the custom to read a Ketuba to Hashem. To review our legally binding document which we pledged to Him. To re-commit to our obligations. The Ketuba has 613 declarations, outlining the 613 mitzvot (commandments) which connect us to Hashem. On this beautiful festival where we celebrate our marriage to Hashem and to our Torah, we strengthen the framework of our love.
When we next attend a chuppa (wedding ceremony) and hear those unfamiliar Aramaic words of the Ketuba, let us maximise the power of the moment. Let us take a moment to recommit to our spouse, to ourselves, and to our ultimate love, Hashem. Because true love is created through obligation.
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